


Maybe This Time

by Mugglelover27



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: A Wild Plot Appears, A wild Ben Swolo appears, Ben 'unintentional cuddler' Solo, Ben Solo's calligraphy set, But there's Only One Bed, Each chapter is guaranteed to have at least 1 soft™ moment, F/M, Flirting, Fluff, Force Bond, Force Dyad (Star Wars), Late-night force bond chats, Prince of Alderaan sighs at mannerless desert gremlin, Rey deserves all the fruit she wants, Rey likes to steal food, The Force ships them so hard, and cliches, but only from Ben, it shipped them into the same bed, kind of, lots of tropes, please excuse the first few chapters while I rewrite them to not be so terrible, pretty much only fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-02-19 12:36:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 23,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22211074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mugglelover27/pseuds/Mugglelover27
Summary: Rey wakes up with a mysterious bedmate.A post-TLJ what-if fic about the force bond that just won't quit. Guaranteed soft moments among a smattering of plot.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Kylo Ren
Comments: 208
Kudos: 570





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Basically, I resisted my Reylo feels as much as I could, but then TROS destroyed me and I've been writing fic nonstop for the past 3 weeks. And crying. Lots of crying.
> 
> This was my first attempt at Reylo fic and, since I was resisting for so long, my brain went right back to TLJ feels. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Edit: please ignore how short and sparse the first few chapters are. They get longer. I'm in the process of rewriting the early chapters to better flow into the rest of the story.

Rey woke slightly, stirring in her cot. She felt warm. Comfortable. Safe. With a contented sigh she cuddled into the warm mass of blankets at her back and suddenly froze, hearing a quick intake of breath as the mass behind her froze too. It wasn’t a mass at all, but a person, and she knew there was only one person it could possibly be.

Leaping off the bed she reached out, lightsaber roaring to life in her hand. "What are you doing here?" she growled, turning to face her bedmate, weapon poised in her grip.

"I think you'll find I'm in my quarters," he replied in his usual level tone, voice gravelly from sleep. His saber was held disengaged by his side; present but non-threatening.

Rey relaxed her shoulders slightly. He wasn't here for a fight. "Why did this happen?" she questioned.

"You know as much as I do," he shot back.

Rey was silent for a moment, trying to gauge the situation. It had only been a couple months since she had last seen him that day on Crait. When she’d been full of anger and disappointment and – she wouldn’t admit it to herself – maybe a little bit of heartbreak. The bond had been sealed tight since then, causing Rey to assume the Force was done with them. It seemed that wasn’t the case.

She watched as his eyes scanned the space around her, searching for something, before finally landing on her, his demeanor having softened slightly. "What?" she grumbled.

"You're on my father’s ship," he said matter-of-factly. Something sparkled in his eyes as he added, "You're on the Falcon."

"Y-you can see it?" Her feet wavered and her grip on the saber tightened.

"No."

She tilted her head, confused. "Then how do you know?"

"I can feel it." His voice was lighter than she had ever heard it, and she sensed the slightest waver of something that took her a moment to place; nostalgia. "I can..." he grimaced slightly, "smell it."

Rey smirked. "It does have a musk." She took a tentative step forward. "You can tell just from that?" She kept her voice quiet, gently prodding him to continue, to not shut her out just yet.

"I grew up on that ship," he replied, sounding distant. Lost.

Rey disengaged her saber, letting her arms fall to her sides as she stepped closer. "Ben?"

She could remember the gentle look in his eyes the first time she had called him by his name; his _real_ name. It was like watching a mask fall from his face – one he hadn’t even been aware existed – to reveal the hopeful boy underneath. When he met her eyes tonight she saw a storm raging in them, and she resolved to fight that storm. "Ben, it's ok. You can come back. You can be on this ship again," she said softly.

"So my mother can have me executed?" he spat back, all venom and disdain.

"She wouldn't do that. She loves you, Ben."

His voice rose. "I killed my father, Rey!" She felt a heaviness in the force and heard the telltale slam of furniture being thrown. "That's not something she can look past."

Her voice was strained now, almost pleading. "That doesn't mean you-"

"Goodnight," he interrupted, turning away from her.

"What?" she barked, bewildered.

He looked over his shoulder but didn't meet her eyes. "I said goodnight, Rey," he replied, voice nearly a whisper.

With that he was gone.

Rey stood there for a moment, utterly confused, until the frustration came flooding back to her. She let out a strangled shout as she kicked the wall beside her cot.

He was in there somewhere. Ben was in there. She wasn't going to leave him alone to rot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought this would be a oneshot/drabble when I wrote it 3 weeks ago, but it's already got a mind of it's own and I have more scenes waiting to be edited. It might just be some more random scenes, or I might figure out the plot it's trying to develop. We'll see how it goes.  
> Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben share banter and discoveries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for all the love! I'm glad you all are enjoying this silly little fic. It's fun to write, that's for sure. 
> 
> This chapter is even shorter than the last one. Sorry. When I write fic for movies I tend to not get very detailed. 
> 
> Enjoy!

"Are you reading?"

Ben sighed and glanced up, thoroughly annoyed. "I was."

"What are you reading?" she asked, moving towards him.

"Nothing that concerns you," he said flatly.

Rey craned her neck to look at the tablet over his shoulder. "Looks like it _does_ concern me.” She scanned the contents of the report he was reading. It was a map tracking possible Resistance bases. _And her_. She let out a wry laugh. "None of this is correct."

"So, you can read," he said, tone surprised.

She huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. "Of course I can read! I see you think very highly of my intelligence."

He gave an exasperated sigh.. "I meant through the Force, Rey. I know you can read."

"Oh." She turned sheepish. "Sorry." She looked at him, excitement bubbling up as his words sank in. "You're right! I can read what you're holding!"

"I just said that," he replied, dryly, once more focused on the datapad.

"And!" She bounced around the room excitedly, Ben watching her in amusement. "And we touched hands once." She suddenly turned to him. "What if that means-" she snatched the tablet from his hands. "Aha! I knew it!"

He wasn't so impressed. "Give that back.”

"Relax. I'm not going to do anything to it," she said off-handedly before becoming excited again. "Isn't this amazing? Do you think anyone has used the Force this way before?"

"Not that I've read about." He reached for the tablet but she spun just out of his grasp.

"Me neither. Why do you think we have this ability?" Her words slowed as she turned to face him.

His gaze told her exactly what he thought; exactly what he wanted to be true. That they were equal, special. Her mind once more swam with his plea from the throne room, but she shook it away, not quite ready to deal with the implications.

She reached out, silently handing the tablet back.

"Rey," he said tentatively as he took the tablet back.

She smiled gently. "I'm going to go do some reading. See if I can figure out more about all this." She gestured vaguely at the air around her.

Then she was alone. She slid down the wall to sit on the ground, dropping her head into her hands, trying to slow her frantic heartbeat.

No matter how hard she tried she could never expel that moment from her mind. His pleading tone and the desperation in his eyes. The way his hand shook as he held it out to her.

As much as she wanted to be strong, she couldn’t deny that she had left a part of herself with him that day. What part, she wasn’t quite sure. Her sanity? _Her heart?_

But she couldn’t think about that. She had to keep a level head around him, no matter what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've still got more written for this, but I think I need some more connecting scenes. It might be a few days before my next update. I really wanna try to continue with this fic, though.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I am with another really short chapter. I guess that's just how this fic has decided it will be.  
> After I wrote this chapter I was reading a few other fics and realized that, as a fandom, we've all decided that Rey deserves to eat all the fruit, and I am here for that.  
> Enjoy!

"What are you doing here?" he asked, exasperated.

"You act like I'm here on purpose," she replied with a scoff. She was sitting on the floor, legs pulled up to her chest, looking at the piece of fruit in his hand where it had stopped halfway to his mouth. "What's that?"

He glanced down at it. "A pear."

"Oh! I've always wanted to try one of those! Is it good?" Without another word he threw the pear at her. She caught it easily in one hand and let out an excited squeak. "I caught that! Through the Force! You have to admit that's cool." He just looked down at his food and didn't answer. She shrugged it off and looked at the fruit once more. Bringing it to her lips she paused just before taking a bite, glancing suspiciously at him. "How do I know it's not poisoned?"

"I don't want you dead," he said simply.

Rey scoffed. "Like I'll believe that."

He scowled, grabbed another pear, and took a bite out of it. "There. Happy?"

"I'm not falling for that. This one is probably poisoned, but that one is fine." He chucked the other fruit at her which she caught easily, giving him a smug smile. "Thanks."

"Now leave me alone," he growled.

Rey took a bite out of the pear and sighed contentedly. "This is the most delicious fruit I've ever eaten." Within a few seconds the pear was gone and she had raised the other piece of fruit to her lips. "Do you always eat like this?"

"My position in the First Order has its perks." He watched, somewhat amused, as she devoured the second pear. "You could eat like this too, you know." He knew it wasn't a great argument, but it was worth a try.

"I'm not here for the recruitment speech," she said offhandedly.

"I know." His voice was soft, contemplative, as he watched her. She was speaking with ease rather than the tense, calculated way she had been in their other recent interactions. He wished he could join her in that. Wished he could move closer, speak freely. Even if only for a moment.

"And besides," she continued conversationally, "you already know it would take a lot more than fruit to get me to join The First Order."

"What would do the trick?" he challenged.

"Desserts," she teased and she could have sworn she heard Ben give the beginnings of a chuckle before he stopped himself. "You know, Ben," she began softly, leaning forward as if studying him. His eyes met hers and he felt his mask slipping, but had no desire to put it back in place. Not yet. "I'd like to see you smile sometime." The air went still around them and suddenly she was gone.

Ben sat staring at the spot where she had been sitting moments before. He put his head in his hands and sighed. There was something about her that made it so easy to slip up; to be vulnerable.

It was infuriating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've still got more plans for this fic, don't worry. It's not my first priority. My coffee shop/You've Got Mail AU is taking the front seat right now. However, it seems that I come back to this fic when I need a break from the other ones I'm writing. It's fun to just write some fluff and get on with it.  
> Hope you liked it!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally the weekend so I'm just gonna cuddle up under my nice, warm kotatsu and write some fluff for y'all.  
> Enjoy!

"Here to steal my food again, I see," Ben remarked, voice slick with annoyance. Just a moment earlier he had a piece of fruit in his hand, and now it had been plucked from his fingers. 

"Maybe." He heard a teasing voice behind him and turned to face her. "I take back what I said about the pear," Rey said, mouth full of food. "This is the most delicious fruit I've ever eaten." She looked down at him. "What kind is it?"

"Jogan fruit," he replied, flatly.

"Oh, I've heard General Organa talk about that." She smiled. 

"It's her favorite," he said quickly, and she could hear how his voice caught in the back of his throat. 

"Is it your favorite too?" She asked gently. 

He turned away. "You ask a lot of questions."

"You don't give many answers," Rey replied softly, sounding disappointed. She turned away from him.

"It is my favorite," he said it so low she almost didn't hear it.

She turned back to him, smiling. "Right now it's my favorite too." She spoke nonchalantly as she wandered the room. It was best not to get too serious, she decided. She didn't want to push too much and scare him off. Treating him like a frightened animal wasn't exactly her intention, but if it worked it worked. Maybe what she needed to do now was extend an olive branch. "Thank you." 

His eyes snapped up to look at her. "For what?"

"Letting me steal your food." She gave him a friendly smile and continued lightheartedly. "I didn't even know food like that existed until I left Jakku." 

"Is there any food you want to try? I can have it ordered," he offered. 

"Not really. I think I'll just keep stealing yours." She watched his expression soften and found herself hoping he might smile. She had no such luck. "Only if it's alright with you," she added. 

"Then it wouldn't be stealing." She heard the amusement in his voice and felt her smile widen.

"No. I suppose not." She sat on the ground facing him. "There's also the fact that we don't control when this" she gestured between them, "happens. And I doubt it will keep happening when you're eating dinner." 

"Then you should enjoy it while it lasts." He reached in front of himself and produced another Jogan fruit, holding it out to her.

"I couldn't," she said slowly. "You need to eat too."

"Rey, I have plenty of food," he reasoned. "Take it." 

She slowly reached out to take the fruit, briefly allowing their fingers to touch. "Thank you." Smiling she took a bite.

"Take your time to enjoy it though," he said quickly.

"What?" She asked, mouth still full of fruit.

He sighed. "You have no manners."

She swallowed, looking embarrassed. "Sorry," she said, chagrined, covering her mouth with her hand. Ben didn't mean to, but he let a small smile pull at the corners of his mouth. Rey brightened. "That was a smile. You just smiled." She bounced to her feet excitedly. He quickly turned away and she walked to the other side of him, hoping to catch another glimpse. He looked at her, the smile having been swept away. But Rey could still see it in his eyes. 

And then she was standing alone, a half eaten fruit still in her hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still not super happy with the ending to this chapter, but my friend liked it, so hopefully you do too.  
> I'm now taking prompts for trope-y and cliche situations these two Forcebook addicts might find themselves in. I just need some fluff inspiration.  
> Thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A wild plot appears!  
> Disclaimer: I am not good at sticking to lore and canon. It's difficult in a universe this vast and detailed. I try, but I make mistakes.  
> Enjoy!

"Hello." She smiled as a Jedi text was pulled from her hands.

"You're not the only one who can steal things through the Force," he remarked, studying the page she had been reading. He paused. "This is..." he turned to look at her. "How did you get this?"

"I stole them," she replied, smugly proud of herself.

"Them?" He was surprised. "You stole multiple ancient Jedi texts?" If Rey wasn't mistaken he almost sounded proud. She just nodded in reply. He gave her an appraising look before sitting on the ground across from her and burying his nose in the book.

"What are you doing?"

"Reminding myself why I left the Jedi behind."

"We both know the reason isn't in these books," she said, pulling another text to herself. "But they might have answers to something else. Like our bond. So, keep reading."

"Are you asking for my help?" He inquired, tilting his head slightly at her.

"You're here and it concerns you too, so get to work." Her voice was sarcastic with a tinge of commanding.

He did as she said. 

Within twenty minutes Rey was nodding off, her head leaned against the wall behind her. Ben looked up when he heard her breathing steady and watched, with a gentle wonder, as the book drifted from her hands onto her lap. 

He turned the page of his text and his eyes caught something interesting. "Dyad in the Force," he read. The pages spoke of it as a very rare occurrence. He read quickly, his eyes widening as he dove deeper into the text, desperate to know more. The words flew by, imprinting in his mind. "Two halves of a whole. Connected across space and time. Prone to opposing allegiances. Can never be true Jedi or Sith unless the bond is severed." There was no doubt in his mind that this was about them; him and Rey. This - connection - they had. 

He read further and found himself feeling more and more sick with each word. It spoke of them like a perversion of the Force. Something to be broken the moment it was discovered. Something powerful as life itself and therefore too powerful to be allowed to survive. 

This was why he hated the Jedi. They refused what they couldn't control; Power. Rage. Passion. Love.

He quietly closed the book, careful not to wake Rey, and set it aside. His mind was swimming. What would happen if she read this? Would she listen to the opinions of the Jedi? Would she be afraid of their connection and try to eliminate it? 

No. He refused to allow that. 

He glanced to Rey in time to see she was falling forward in her sleep. He reached out to grab her shoulders and keep her from toppling over. She startled awake and looked at him, somewhat embarrassed. "S-sorry. Didn't mean to fall asleep."

He removed his hands from her shoulders and handed back the text he had been reading. "They're not page-turners," he said, simply.

"No," she agreed with a grin. "They're not." She studied his face for a moment. "Are you alright?"

He uncreased his brow. "Yes," he said simply, standing from his spot. "You should get some sleep."

"Will you help me do more research again sometime?" She asked hopefully. "If I promise not to fall asleep, of course."

"If that's what you wish," he replied, voice gentle. He offered his hand to help her stand. As Rey reached to take it he vanished. 

Rey was left a bit jarred, but smiling. She felt that maybe, somehow, she had made some progress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My husband and I have been busy preparing our apartment for company, so I didn't have as much time to write this weekend as I had hoped. However, I've still got a few chapters outlined. I've also received some great prompts that I'm excited about. Keep 'em coming.  
> Thanks for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter came out of nowhere, but I thought a late-night forcebook chat was needed to get the development going. Especially considering this thing is trying to develop a plot on me.  
> Hope you enjoy it!

"It's late," Rey commented, handing Ben a Jedi text without looking up from her reading. 

"And yet you're still awake," he replied, accepting the text and taking a seat across from her. He glanced at her, noting how she concentrated on the data pad in her lap. Her profile was lit softly by some unseen light source giving her features a gentle glow. 

She sighed and set the data pad aside, a contented smile on her face. "Sorry," she said, looking at him. "Had to finish my chapter." She grabbed another Jedi text and opened it.

"You were reading fiction?" Ben asked. He still held his text unopened in his hands.

"Yes." She sounded a little embarrassed. "My friend leant it to me. They found out I've never read any stories before, and said I have to read it."

"You've never read stories before?" He tried to keep his tone of surprise in check. 

"No. It wasn't exactly available to me on Jakku. Not on a scavengers budget," she explained offhandedly. 

"Oh." He should have realized that. "What did you do to pass the time?"

"Scavenge," she said simply. "I would scavenge until nightfall and then I would sleep. There wasn't much else to do." She looked up at him. His face had a softness to it, like he was sad for her. "But sometimes..." she smiled, hoping to lighten the mood. "Sometimes I would daydream." She could see in his eyes that he wanted to know more, and she found that she wanted to tell him. "I would see people at the outpost and think up stories about them. Big, grand stories. Always much more savory than their actual stories, I'm sure." She smiled and continued enthusiastically. "One would be a member of a royal family, hiding from assassins. Another would be a famous podracer trying to make it to their next match, or a scout who just discovered a new system."

"And what were you in these daydreams?" Ben asked gently. 

"A pilot," she said shyly. He had been hanging on her every word, causing a subtle contentment to flood her like she was wrapped in a blanket. She couldn't remember anyone ever being so interested in her; in her past. Now he was looking at her with such gentleness, and she couldn't help but feel the warmth of familiarity in his eyes. 

"What did you fly?" 

"A U-wing," she said proudly.

"I thought you were going to say X-wing," he said in an almost teasing tone.

"No. There was a broken down U-wing in the graveyard I took a liking to. I wanted to fix it, but it was impossible. It had been there too long with too many other scavengers around," she finished solemnly. 

"Maybe you'll still fly one someday," he offered.

"Maybe. I really enjoy flying the Falcon, though."

"I did too." He said it without thinking, but found he didn't regret it. Rey had been pouring her heart out to him, talking about her past. The walls were down between them.

"You flew the Falcon?" She said in awe.

"I wasn't supposed to, but I did." 

"How very rebellious of you." She smirked, nudging his knee with her own. She watched the beginnings of a similar smirk playing at his lips and found herself wanting to reach out and trace the creases it made on his face. But she wouldn't. She couldn't. 

"They were furious when they woke up and found us in a different system," he said. "But I didn't care."

"How old were you?" She was growing more and more curious about the rebellious boy he once was.

"About 9."

"9?!" She gawked. "What about a co-pilot? You couldn't have done that without one. Who helped you?"

Ben ran a hand through his hair. "Sometimes he was a bit rebellious too. Always said it was just as much his ship." 

Rey wracked her brain for a moment. "You mean Chewie helped you?" She exclaimed in disbelief.

"Yeah," he confirmed, and then he laughed. It was coarse from disuse and short lived, but he laughed. And Rey laughed too, the brightest smile spread across her face.

"Thank you," she said, unintentionally resting an affectionate hand on his knee. "Thank you for-" she hesitated, "for the story." 

He reached out a hesitant hand, slowly laying it over hers. An almost overpowering warmth spread through her, causing a blush to rise on her cheeks. The last thing she heard was his replied, "Thank you, Rey." Then he was gone, leaving her to once again slow the rapid beating of her heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gave myself way too many feels writing this one. Thinking about Rey's past hurts me. Then I added the thing about her wanting to be a pilot and pretty much destroyed my own emotions.  
> Also, if you see any typos or errors, please let me know. I was a kriffing English minor for crying out loud, but living in another country really does things to your language abilities. Help a girl out.  
> Thanks for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a very short update, but I've been working on some longer ones that I really like so far.  
> Enjoy!

Rey let out an exasperated shout, kicking the ground and sending a spray of sand into the air in front of her.

"You're in the desert," he said, appearing from behind the shower of sand as it cascaded to the ground. "Back on Jakku?"

"There are plenty of deserts in the galaxy, Ben," she replied, annoyed. "I won't ever go back to Jakku if I can help it. You know that."

"You're angry," he observed.

"It's been a rough day," she huffed.

"Is there anything I can do?" The sincerity in his voice caused Rey to freeze in place, her back to him.

Suddenly she whirled around to face him. "I don't understand how you can do that."

Ben took a step back at her tone. "Do what?"

"How you can be so sincere and-and even kind when you talk to me while you terrorize the rest of the galaxy!" Her tone was venomous. Ben was taken aback but made no attempt to answer. Rey continued, seething with rage. "Just a few hours ago I was in a village, delivering rations, when suddenly your stormtroopers come marching in and begin kidnapping children." Her voice dropped to disappointment. "Small children. Younger even than I was when..." she trailed off. "They were just taken. Ripped from their parents arms, Ben."

"That wasn't my order," he mumbled, voice caught deep in his throat.

"No. I doubt it was. Considering the size of the First Order any one of your inferiors could have called for that raid. But you!" she looked deep in his eyes. "You have the power to stop it." She advanced on him. "You have the power to end all of these terrible things that started before you," she jabbed a finger in his chest to punctuate the word, "became supreme leader." He watched her eyes burning with rage and passion. "That's what you can do. End the raids. End the kidnappings," she concluded.

"That wouldn't go over well."

"You're the Supreme Leader. They have to listen to you," she argued. 

"They would sentence me to death for anarchy." His voice was rising and she could feel him struggling to bite back his anger.

"Then you leave." She said it slowly, enunciating each word. 

"That's just want you want, isn't it," he said through gritted teeth. "For me to leave the First Order and join your little Resistance." He spat the last word like a slur.

She was standing on her toes, her face inches from his. She could feel his breath on her face as she looked deep into his eyes, her teeth still clenched in misdirected anger. "It's exactly what I want." 

Suddenly the bond disconnected and she nearly fell forward, into the sand, when he disappeared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The more I write for this the more I realize these fluffy scenes are trying to develop plot. And I'm gonna let it happen.  
> Thanks for reading!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for all the kudos and comments! I thought I would have given up on this by now, but you all keep me coming back.  
> Things are starting to heat up just a little in this chapter.  
> Enjoy!

"You are not who I want to see right now," Ben groaned.

"Is there really anyone you do want to see?" Rey asked disdainfully.

He exhaled in what Rey now recognized as his laugh. "Good point."

They fell into silence; Ben strolling around the room while Rey buried her nose deeper in the book in her hands.

"What's on the agenda tonight?" He asked, suddenly crouched behind her, looking over her shoulder. It startled her and she jumped, sending the book flying five feet in the air. His amused smirk was so apparent that she didn't even have to look at him to know it was there. He grabbed the book before she could reach for it. "What are you even reading?" He flipped through the pages.

"Give that back," she demanded. He made no reply. "I thought you didn't even want to see me right now."

"You're here anyway, though."

She followed him around the room, periodically grabbing for the book and failing. "Are you really playing keep-away with me right now?" She crossed her arms.

"Are you really reading these fairy tales?" He shot back.

"It's history," she replied, anger rising in her voice.

"It's fake." He was serious now. "If you read real Jedi history you would abandon the Jedi as quickly as I did."

"You're so sure about that?"

"I am." 

"Why?" She challenged.

"I know you. Better than you think I do." He held the book out and she snatched it from him. 

"Ok." She took a step closer to him. "Then tell me what you know about me." She watched a fire light behind his eyes. He turned his eyes downward, watching her as he decided where to start. 

"You're loyal to your cause," he began.

"You hate that about me," she interrupted with a self-assured grin.

"You're a terrible listener," he added pointedly, causing her to let out a laugh. "You're naive." He watched her bristle. "You have no manners."

"This isn't fun anymore." She went to turn away, but he grabbed her wrist, pulling her back to face him.

"You have a temper. The Jedi wouldn't approve of that." He said it like a reprimand. She narrowed her eyes at him. He removed his hand from her wrist, beginning to circle her like a predator circling prey. "You're passionate," he continued. "Another sin to the Jedi." He watched the blush rising on her skin and wanted to know if it was anger or something more. He moved closer. "You're lonely. You still want more than that little resistance has given you." He stood behind her now, his voice barely above a whisper in her ear. "And you have desires, Rey." She stifled a shiver.

What she wouldn't give for the bond to end at that moment. She gathered her strength and stepped away, regrouping. He wouldn't win this one. "My turn," she said in as level a voice as she could muster. "You're headstrong."

"I could say the same about you," he added. 

"You're also a terrible listener," she shot back with a grin. "You see yourself as a loner, but the truth is that you're lonely." She could tell by his expression that he was no longer amused. This wasn't the game he had planned on. "You know you don't belong in the First Order - that you're worth more - but you refuse to hear otherwise." She knew she was projecting her frustrations on him, but she didn't care. "You regret the things you've done but you let them haunt you rather than atoning for them." Her voice was venomous. She looked in his eyes and found her next point. "You're conflicted." She dropped the venom from her tone and took a step closer. "You know what you should do. You know what you truly want." She was inches from him, the heat of his gaze piercing her own. "But you're too scared to do anything about it."

The moment the words left her mouth his arm encircled her waist, pulling her closer to him. She watched his gaze travel down to her lips before meeting her eyes again. He studied her for the briefest moment, gauging her reaction. She didn't pull away, but was instead looking at him expectantly. He slowly began to lean down.

And then she felt cold. His arms were gone. His breath no longer tickled her skin. The bond had disconnected, leaving her confused and frustrated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can probably tell by now, my style of writing is just writing kiss scenes and then deleting the part where they kiss.  
> When I was outlining this scene I referred to it as the "When Harry Met Sally" scene because of their dumb little speeches. So fun to write!  
> Next time we might get a bit more plot coming into play.  
> Thanks for reading!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so excited about the response to the previous chapter! Thank you all so much for the comments and kudos. It really means a lot that you want to read more.
> 
> There's just the tiniest hint of plot hiding in this chapter.  
> Enjoy!

The next time the bond opened Rey was ready. She had spent her free time deciding how to face Ben after... Well, after what she thought had almost happened. She had steeled herself and was determined to act like it hadn't happened. That was her plan. She knew it wasn't a great plan, but she wasn't ready to face whatever it was that was happening between them. 

She didn't know what she expected when he finally showed up, but it wasn't the tired and somewhat disheveled man who appeared. 

"Wh-whats wrong?" She asked quietly, concerned. 

"Nothing," he replied, voice level as usual.

"Have you been sleeping alright?" She stamped down her desire to reach out and caress the dark circles under his eyes. Something within her longed to soothe his troubles.

"I'm fine." He looked down at her hands, searching for a change of topic. "What were you doing?"

"Oh!" She shrank, embarrassed as she looked down at the meager bouquet in her hands. "I was gathering flowers." 

"Flowers?"

"Yes. Flowers." She could sense how desperately he wanted to keep the subject away from his lack of sleep, so she made her tone light and teasing. "I'm allowed to like flowers, you know."

"What do you plan to do with them?"

"Hmmm," she pondered. "Maybe I'll braid them into your hair." She gave him a playful grin. "Actually, I was going to bring them back to my quarters. Make the place feel... well... a little more like home, I guess." 

"Have you found anything interesting?" He asked hesitantly. 

There was something so different about him, Rey realized. He was more hesitant. More quiet. He was asking her so many questions, as if all he wanted was for her to continue talking. She found she was more than happy to oblige.

"I've found plenty!" She looked down at her bouquet. "I don't know the names of any of them, but maybe Rose can tell me later. This one," she pulled out a bright red flower whose petals were streaked through with a deep blue, "is my favorite. It's so different from any of the flowers I found on Jakku." She absentmindedly twirled the flower between her fingers, Ben watching contentedly.

"You found flowers on Jakku?" He asked, confused. 

"I did." She smiled at him. "Only a few. They were small, but I thought they were so amazing, surviving in the desert like that. I would let them dry and keep them in my little collection." 

"Your collection," Ben said quietly, prompting her to keep talking.

It occurred to Rey that she had never talked this much with anyone else. There certainly hadn't been anyone to talk to on Jakku, and while she adored her friends in the Resistance she didn't feel like she could talk to them this way. But Ben... he always watched so fondly as she recounted her memories. He hung on her every word, wanting to know more. Talking to him felt right. 

"I had- well you would probably just call it junk. Everyone did, actually." Her eyes had a distant look in them. "It was all the little things I had picked up while scavenging that I just... I just liked them. They were like treasures to me." 

"Were the flowers your favorite?"

"No." She shook her head. "My favorite was the doll I made." A gentle smile played at her lips. "She was a pilot."

"Of course." He nodded approvingly.

"We would go on adventures together," Rey said wistfully. Her face fell and she let out an almost pained laugh. "I was so sure I would go back... I left it all there." 

"Do you wish you had taken it?"

She sighed. "Maybe. Sometimes. Just a little bit. All of my best memories as a kid were with that doll. Of course, it sounds silly now to cling onto something like that. But," she met his eyes, "we should let the past die, right?" She took a deep breath. "Jakku did nothing good for me. I think it's time for me to let it die." 

"Rey..." Ben said softly. He opened his mouth to continue and then he was gone. 

Rey's bottom lip trembled slightly before she straightened her back, calling on her confidence. She refused to cry over something as insignificant as a lost doll. She would let the past die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just really love writing scenes where they're vulnerable with each other. It's very important to me.  
> Yesterday was a holiday and I stayed home from work today due to a bad cold, so I've gotten more writing done this week already. Hopefully, I can get another chapter out soon.  
> Thanks for reading!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the comments! I get so excited! Your words always make my day. <3  
> Are you ready? This is my favorite chapter I've written so far, and it all came about because I wouldn't stop shouting "Ben Solo's calligraphy set" at my friends.  
> Enjoy!

"Are you writing?" Rey asked, peering over Ben's shoulder at the perfect characters drifting from the pen in his hand. 

"Yes," he said simply.

"How very old fashioned of you," she teased. Her gaze followed his hand, marveling at his easy, simple movements. "You're really good at it."

"I'm out of practice," he countered, voice gruff.

"Teach me," she requested, bouncing on the balls of her feet. He shot her a quizzical look. "I've never learned," she explained. "Please?"

"Fine. We'll start with something simple." He produced a simple seeming character on the paper and handed Rey the pen.

She slowly dragged the pen down the page, producing something entirely wrong. She tried again, slower. That was worse. She tried more quickly and was still unsatisfied.

"You made it look so easy," she whined. 

He stood and gestured to the chair. "Sit down and try again," he suggested.

She sat - a bit thrown off by him holding the chair out for her - and failed another 5 attempts. "This is impossible," she huffed.

"You're holding the pen too tight. It's not a lightsaber," he chided her. "Try it like this." He put his hand over hers, guiding the pen. Rey tried to keep the breath from catching in her throat as he moved closer, his other hand bracing against the table and caging her in. She didn't feel caged, though. No. She realized that she felt perfectly comfortable with him so close. Like he was meant to be there. 

As he gently moved her hand across the page she realized he wasn't wearing his gloves. In fact, she couldn't remember the last time she saw him wearing them.

"What are you smiling about?" His voice brought her back to the moment and she realized how close his face was to hers as he leaned over, the pen having stilled in their hands.

"Oh. Just... You don't wear your gloves anymore." She felt the heat rising on her face.

"Not around you." Was his simple answer. She could tell he didn't want to continue the conversation, so she didn't press further. 

"Why were you doing calligraphy?" She asked gently as he began to guide her hand in a new motion. 

"It's relaxing," he replied offhandedly. 

Her face fell. He had been enjoying his time and the quiet before she showed up. She stiffened, their hands pausing mid-character. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to barge in. I'll stop talking. It will be like I'm not even here. I promise." She turned to get up out of the chair, but his hand remained over hers, unmoving. 

"No," he said quickly.

"What?"

"Don't stop. It- it helps." There was the slightest tinge of panic in his voice.

"Ben?" She turned her head to look at him. "What's wrong?"

He made no reply, but she felt his hand gripping hers tighter, more desperate.

Then it began. As if in slow motion she felt the bond disconnecting and she begged it to wait.

She focused, thinking of nothing but him. Only him and how he needed her at that moment. How she couldn't leave yet. She wanted to stay. She needed to stay. With him. 

Her vision went black as she heard him saying her name, his voice panic-stricken. Then she was waking up in his arms.

"Rey," Ben murmured. "Rey, are you alright?"

"I'm fine." She smiled up at him. "Just a little lightheaded." She pressed a hand to her forehead for a moment as the dizziness subsided. 

"How did you do that?" He asked. "I felt the bond ending, but you came back."

"I just told it that I couldn't leave yet." She braced her hands on his shoulders, pulling herself onto her knees. His arms stayed around her waist, supporting her.

"Why?" He breathed.

"You needed me," she said tenderly. "I couldn't leave you like that." His expression was more gentle than she had ever seen it. "You don't have to tell me what's wrong. But Ben," she pleaded, grabbing one of his hands, "please tell me how I can help you."

"Stay," he said, barely above a whisper. "Just talk to me. Please."

"What should I talk about?" She asked as gently as she could.

"Anything." His voice was so quiet, so shy. She had never seen him so fragile. 

She smiled. "Have I told you about the first time I flew a ship?"

"No." He shook his head. "I'd like to hear it."

"Then, I guess I'll start there." She repositioned, settling herself comfortably across from him.

She didn't know how it happened, but as she regaled him with her stories they continued to move closer. She was soon sitting between his long, outstretched legs, her back against his chest, as she softly described the sunsets on Jakku. Then they felt the bond giving them a soft nudge, telling them it was time to go.

"I don't think I can stay this time," Rey said sadly, turning her head to look at him.

"I wouldn't ask you to do that again," Ben replied. 

"You could." Her voice was nearly a whisper, and then she was gone. 

Ben ran a hand through his hair as he heaved a sigh. He wanted her to stay. He wanted nothing more than for her to stay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a little more plot going on in this chapter than past ones. It starts picking up from this point on. I'm so excited to get the next few chapters out, but I'm taking my time to make them the best they can be.  
> Thanks so much for reading!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took so long. Monday was a holiday, so I spent the weekend visiting my best friend (and self-proclaimed #1 fan) a bit further south. It was a very refreshing trip for my writer's block. Let me tell you, nothing is as inspiring for me as driving along the backroads of Japanese mountain towns. I'm obsessed.  
> Anyway, I wanted this chapter to be perfect, but after editing it for so long I realized I'll never achieve my own standards. So, here it is!  
> Enjoy!

"You look cold."

"I'm fine," Rey replied, trying to keep her teeth from chattering. She was still sitting in a meditative position, but knew she was reaching her limit. The cave was damp and drafty and she was having a hard time focusing on anything other than the cold seeping into her bones. Rey hated the cold. 

Suddenly she felt a weight around her shoulders and the chill disappeared. Opening her eyes she discovered Ben had draped his cape over her. "What's this for?" she asked, looking up at him.

"I'm not going to let you freeze to death," he said flatly.

"I told you I was fine."

"And I knew you were lying," he replied simply. "You grew up on Jakku. I don't think you're adapted to anything less than sweltering." 

"I hate that you're right." She tried to be serious, but it came out with a smirk. She had gotten so used to his company. It was hard not to feel at ease around him. "Thank you," she said gratefully, drawing the cape closer and letting out a contented sigh as she began to thaw. 

He looked down at his feet, seeming embarrassed. "You're welcome," he murmured, voice barely loud enough to carry. He sat on the ground across from her. "You were meditating. Continue."

"Not with you here."

"Why? Am I a distraction?"

"No." Yes. But she couldn't say that. He would get an even bigger head if she did. Even though she didn't say it he smirked at her knowingly. She felt a blush rise on her cheeks and did her best to stamp it down. "As you pointed out, I'm cold. I can't meditate when I'm cold," she pointed out. 

He walked a few steps away and returned with a mug in his hand. "Here." He held it out to her.

"Why are you always giving me food?"

"Usually you just steal it," he reminded her.

"I guess that's true," she giggled, accepting the mug from him and bringing it to her lips. It was warm and sweet and she loved it. "Is this mocoa?"

"Yes."

"Huh." She smirked. "You really are like your mother." It slipped from her lips too quickly and she clapped a regretful hand over her mouth. "Sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

"No," he replied quietly. "It's ok. She is my mother, after all. I guess some things had to stick."

"Even if it is just mocoa." She smiled, taking another warm sip.

"Yeah." He looked down. They passed a few moments in companionable silence, Rey happily sipping her warm drink, until Ben spoke again. "Rey." She looked at him expectantly. "I have something for you... of yours, I mean."

"What?" Now she was confused. She set her mug down as he moved away, returning with something small in his hand. He offered it to her. She took it with trembling hands, tears already pricking her eyes. "This... How did you get this?" she breathed, her fingers caressing the age-softened fabric of her childhood companion.

"I went looking," he admitted. "When you told me about it you sounded so..." His mouth momentarily drew into a tight line as he searched for the word. "Happy."

"But... Jakku... it's just..." She was still fighting a losing battle against her own tears. "How did you find it?"

"It wasn't hard to find your AT-AT," he said gently. "It just... It felt like you. Not just your force signature. You." He took a deep breath, summoning his courage, as he reached out to wipe a tear from her cheek. "Rey, I know Jakku was terrible for you and you never should have had to live there, but... it made you who you are. It made you strong and resilient, like those flowers you used to collect. Your life on Jakku is the reason you were able to give me this," he gestured to the scar running along his face, "the first time we fought." Her laugh hooked on a sob. He turned away, his gaze focusing in front of him. "We should let the past die," he said resolutely. "But, we shouldn't forget it."

At times like these Rey wondered if Ben and Kylo Ren really were the same person. Then she would feel the battle raging inside his head, tearing him apart. Tonight, however, he was just-

"Ben," she murmured softly, setting the doll aside. He turned to look at her and she couldn't help but marvel at the softness in his eyes. She reached a hand out to touch his cheek, but stopped with her fingers barely grazing his skin. "You've changed," she breathed.

She knew those words usually held a mostly negative connotation, but she meant it with such pride. He had changed and that was something that made her happier than she could say. And he understood. 

He leaned into her touch and a soft almost-smile played at his lips when she brushed a lock of hair out of his face. Then she was leaning forward because all she wanted was to kiss that almost-smile that was quickly growing into something more. He moved to meet her halfway, but stopped just short. She could feel how unsure he was. How frightened he was that she would second-guess herself. Her heart beat wildly in her chest, telling her exactly what she wanted. She entwined her fingers through his hair, pulling him closer until their lips met.

It felt like there was a star exploding in her chest. The kiss was gentle, yet sent sparks coursing through her, and she found that the last thing she wanted to do was stop kissing him. But they did stop. After what felt like forever, but also like no time at all, they parted. She took in a breath as she saw the gentle, loving look on his face. He leaned his forehead against hers, both of them trying to catch their breath.

"Rey," he murmured, his smile fading. "I don't know if I can do this. If I can change."

She grabbed his hand, squeezing it tight. "You can." She kissed him again, shorter, but no less passionate. She looked deep into his eyes when they parted again. "We can." 

In the blink of an eye he was gone. Rey was torn between the overflowing joy flowing through her and anger at the bond for pulling them apart so soon. Then she felt the weight of his cape still around her shoulders and pulled it tightly around herself.

She giggled as she thought to herself how lucky she was that the Falcon had so many nooks and crannies she could hide the cape in. Her doll, however, she planned to bring into the cockpit. They weren't yet finished with their adventures.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next few chapters are a little finnicky for me, but I'll try to have them up soon.   
> Thanks for reading!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm absolutely floored by the response to this fic so far. All of the kudos and subscribes are so much more than I could have expected, and every comment you all leave makes me so giddy. I might have given this fic up by now if it wasn't for everyone's kind words and support, and I'm so glad for it because this fic has grown into something I did not expect. 
> 
> I'm going to have a lot more time to write over the next month, since all the schools here are closing for Corona Virus prevention. That means I'll, likely, be sitting at my desk with nothing to do but get the next few chapters figured out! I'm excited to have more time to devote to this fic. 
> 
> I've been very nervous about getting this chapter out. It's evolved so much since I wrote the first draft about a month ago, and I really hope you all like it.  
> Enjoy!

There was darkness all around her. Her body felt heavy as she fought to keep moving, like she was fighting through raging water, yet she continued to struggle forward. She was there for a reason. She could feel a faint presence reaching out to her; Ben.

"I'm disappointed in you, dear boy," a familiar voice sneered in the distance, and Rey's eyes went wide. 

Snoke.

"I tried to make you strong, yet you've shown me no gratitude. No, instead you betrayed me for nothing more than a girl."

Rey pushed forward, trying to run, but finding every muscle resisting her.

"I see now that you will never be stronger than your pathetic father. I wasted my time with you. The First Order is crumbling under your feet while you waste your time with the scavenger girl."

He was talking about her, Rey realized. Well, if he had something to say about her he could say it to her face. She braced every muscle in her body, moving as quickly as her legs would carry her, not caring if the pressure snapped her bones in the process. 

"I see the blind trust you've put in her. It will amount to nothing. Just as she is nothing." 

Finally Rey turned a corner to see Ben suspended in the air, silent and in pain.

She tried to reach out to him but found herself frozen in place. She tried to shout, scream, anything, but she made no sound. She reached out her hand toward Ben. He was so far, but maybe... Maybe he would see her. His head began to turn toward her and-

Her eyes flew open as she shot up in bed. As she turned to look to her side her heart clenched. The bond must have opened while they were asleep. Ben was there beside her. Still asleep. Still in pain.

She grabbed his shoulders and gently shook him, trying to wake him. "Ben. Ben, wake up. Please. Ben!"

His eyes flew open, relief flooding them at the sight of her. "Rey." His voice came out on an exhale. Then she was being pulled down into his embrace, collapsing onto him as he held her flush against himself. 

"What's going on, Ben? What was all of that?"

"He's back," he said solemnly, burying his face in her hair. "I don't know how, but he's back."

"Snoke? But you killed him. Ben, I was there." She ran a hand across his shoulders in a comforting manner. 

"I thought I did, but I was wrong."

"Are you sure? It might just be nightmares. It might not be real." She didn't say it because she didn't believe him. She said it because she hoped it wasn't real. 

"It is real. I know it is." He grabbed the hand she was running along his shoulders and placed it to his temple. "Please," he begged, and she knew what he was asking her to do. He needed her to understand. 

She nodded, closing her eyes and reaching out. She didn't feel a shred of resistance as he let her into his mind. His memories flooded past her. Memories of a boy tormented by voices all his life. Memories of the day he thought his uncle was going to murder him in his sleep. Memories of the day he killed Snoke and begged Rey to join him. She felt his heartbreak as she denied him; watched the tears fall from her own eyes as she made the most difficult decision of her life. His thoughts from that moment filled her mind. He thought she would stay; hoped she would stay. He thought she would be the one person who wouldn't leave him. 

Then there were months of silence. Months of no voices in his head besides his own. Months of learning his own mind. Months of a man trying to find himself amongst the destruction of his past. Months of wondering how she could stand to talk to him when the Force connected them. How she could manage to be so kind to him. How maybe she was right and maybe he could still change. He began to believe he could change; for her. 

Then the voices returned. The torment recommenced with no respite. A voice always telling him he was failing. A voice telling him he was weak and alone. A voice that never ceased. Except when she appeared; a beacon of shining light who washed away the pain if only for a moment.

Rey finally pulled away, feeling so overwhelmed she nearly collapsed. Tears were already pouring down her face as she threw her arms around him, holding tight. She didn't know whether she was holding him for his sake or hers. It suddenly all came together in her head; the dark circles under Ben's eyes the past few weeks, and the desperate, pleading glances. Snoke was back and he was tearing Ben apart. The severity of the situation sunk in and dread descended on her. 

"I won't leave you," she whispered through a sob. "I promise. We'll defeat him. I'll help you."

"I can't ask you to do that."

"You're not." She pulled away, putting a hand on either of his shoulders and looking deep into his eyes. He looked so tired and she found herself running a thumb along the dark circles under his eyes, as if that alone could make them disappear. "You don't get a choice in the matter," she said quietly. Suddenly she wondered if this was what it meant to care for someone. She had never felt so strongly that she wanted to protect one person. There was a selfishness to it, she realized. It wasn't just about protecting him. It was about doing anything in her power not to lose him, because, now that she had Ben, she couldn't bare the thought of being without him, and that frightened her. "Come on," she whispered, encouraging him to lay back down. "You need to sleep."

"Rey," he began in protest.

"Please," she begged. "I-" She found herself hesitant to say what she wanted to, but fought through it. "I'll be right here. I'll stay as long as I can." He gave her a gentle nod and settled onto his side, being careful not to allow his limbs to touch hers as she lay directly across from him, their gazes locked. 

They hadn't discussed the thing between them yet; the kiss they had shared or the feelings they sensed through their bond. It confused them, scared them, and made them feel self-conscious. Yet, there were times it felt so easy to forget all of that and just be. 

At that moment, Rey felt frightened. Not of Ben, but of those things she felt towards him. Compassion, empathy, understanding; those she had come to know quite well. These emotions, however, were something new altogether. Desire came first, coursing through her in great waves of heat with every wayward glance or brush of their hands, but underneath it lay something much deeper that she was hesitant to give a name to so soon. It was a feeling she had never known but had always longed for, and it tugged at her strings until she reached across to caress his cheek.

He reached up and briefly placed his hand over hers before entwining their fingers together. Then he moved their entwined hands to rest between them. 

Rey couldn't remember ever falling asleep beside the warmth of another person. She expected it to feel uncomfortable, suddenly sharing her space with another person, but it didn't. She listened to the sound of Ben's level breathing as her eyes slowly drifted shut. As she approached the edge of sleep, the awareness washed over her that she wasn't alone anymore, and it didn't make her feel as uneasy as she had expected. She squeezed Ben's hand as the realization dawned on her; it felt right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I hammer away at the next few chapters I'll probably be posting a modern AU that I started to help with writer's block, but it got way out of hand and became a (so far) 8000+ word fluff-fest. So, if that's your thing keep an eye out.   
> Thanks so much for reading!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this took so long. This chapter has been fighting with me for months, mostly because it's the big turning point. I was originally hoping to get this out on Friday (cause it was Friday the 13th and this is chapter 13 and I'm a big nerd), but I was woken up at 2 a.m that morning by an earthquake and then had a long, important day at work. Then that was all followed by a migraine that stretched from Friday night through Saturday afternoon. And now it's become a Sunday night update. Oops. And, of course, I'm still not completely pleased with it, but I'll likely never be.
> 
> Anyway, this chapter ended up way softer than intended, but they just wanna cuddle and I'm too weak not to let them.  
> Also, I'm taking some liberties with how the Force works, cause it's fun and I can.  
> Enjoy!

Rey held up a hand the moment Ben appeared, gesturing for him to stay quiet before he had even spoken. She was tense, searching the area with careful eyes. For all he knew she was on a mission, dodging his own First Order goons. 

After a moment her shoulders relaxed and she turned to face him.

"Is everything alright?" He asked before she could say anything.

"Yeah. Everything's fine." She brushed off his question nonchalantly, but was met with his scrutinizing gaze. "I was just listening to something. That's all," she said defensively as she shot another quick glance over her shoulder. 

"You seem frightened." 

"I'm still not used to hearing so many creatures at night, I suppose." Living on Jakku had been a lonely experience at all hours of the day, but most notably at night when the air grew chilled and deathly quiet. 

"Where are you?"

"Scouting," she answered simply, looking over his shoulder. She was still on edge. 

"Alone?" His tone was firm. 

"Yes, alone." At his insistent gaze she added, "I wouldn't let anyone join me. I needed some time to myself."

"Rey, that's dangerous."

She let out an indignant huff. "You sound just like everyone else," she said frustratedly. "I know it's dangerous, but I can handle myself. Just li-"

"Just like you did on Jakku. I know," he said gently. Rey's retort died on her lips. "I know you can handle yourself, but..." He trailed off, seeming unsure of his own words.

"But what?" She prompted, voice shyly encouraging. She had noted the concern in his voice and rejected the urge to smile at it. She knew his answer. She could feel it piercing her senses through their bond. He cared. This was still a new feeling for Rey, having someone care for her, and she wanted nothing more than to hear it from his lips. 

"But I..." He was speaking so quietly that she had to lean closer, all her hopes and attention becoming focused on him in that moment. It felt as if everything around her was falling away and being replaced with the beating of her heart, her own breathing, the nervous look in his eyes. 

A loud snarling noise beside her caused Rey to jump as a large, tusked beast came charging out of the tree line. It was heading straight for her, it's large body moving surely and swiftly towards her. She readied her feet into a steady stance, but knew she didn't have enough time to properly react.

"Rey," Ben called behind her, worried. He couldn't see what was going on, but felt her fear and the rush of adrenaline. Their bond suddenly took on the same feeling it had when they had fought together. When they had taken down Snoke's guards. When they had been allies in battle. 

Instinctively, he grabbed her, pulling her to him, the two of them falling backwards onto the ground as Rey was reaching out to call her lightsaber to her side.

The commotion ended as suddenly as it had begun, everything falling silent at once.

"What happened? Are you hurt?" The words rushed from his mouth as he leaned them into a sitting position.

"I'm fine." She braced a hand to the ground as she tried to disentangle herself from him and scurry to her feet to continue her fight. "Thank you for-" her voice cut off as she looked down at her hand. There was no grass between her fingers, and she felt no breeze against her skin. The dim glow of the night had been extinguished and replaced with a blinding brightness. She looked around frantically. "Where am I?"

The forest had fallen away to be replaced with clean, shining white walls. A pane of transperisteel to her side looked out on the stars and dark expanse of the galaxy. Glow panels flooded her senses with light. And in the middle of it all, Ben Solo sat staring at her, concern etched across his features.

"What's wrong?" He asked, looking at her terrified face.

"Ben..." she said hesitantly, eyes still searching the room. "I think I'm actually here. With you." She gulped, her lungs filling with the cold, dry air of a spacecraft. "I'm on your ship."

"That's impossible." 

She finished getting to her feet and moved the few strides over to a small table, lifting a data pad from it. His eyes widened in alarm. "Rey..."

"What is happening? I can't be here," she panicked, letting the data pad fall from her fingers. "I need to get back!" He stood silently, looking lost as she began pacing the room. She whirled on him. "Aren't you going to say something?"

His eyes met hers, his expression pensive and calculating. "Where were you?"

She looked at him for a moment, not sure why exactly she was hesitating. Part of her had become instantly guarded the moment she entered the First Order ship. "A moon in the outer rim," she admitted. 

He let out a long sigh, running a hand through his hair. "That won't be an easy journey."

"It always is. I'll just have t-" She froze, looking around, suddenly becoming conscious of her empty hand. "My saber isn't here," she muttered in grim realization. "I was calling it when you grabbed me and..." She stamped a foot to the ground. "Kriff! This is all such a mess! I don't even understand how this happened! I shouldn't be here."

"You didn't have your saber on you? How could you be so careless?" He scolded, voice rising.

"Excuse me! I don't remember asking for a Jedi lesson," she shouted. "And even if I did it wouldn't be from you!"

He advanced in long strides, backing her against the wall. His eyes held her gaze with a steady fury as he moved ever closer. He leaned down, breath ghosting over her ear. "You would be lucky to learn from me," he hissed. Rey's breath caught in her throat. He turned and began walking away, running a distressed hand through his hair. 

"Am I just supposed to be a prisoner here now?" she asked his retreating form. 

"You won't be a prisoner," he stated, turning to face her. She narrowed her eyes at him in confusion. "You'll be my guest." 

"I don't think the First Order will agree to that," she scoffed. "They'll think you've gone mad and then lock us both up." 

"They won't know you're here."

"What do you mean?" she cried. 

"You'll stay here." He gestured around. "In my quarters. No one else can enter but me."

"That sounds like being a prisoner," she argued, becoming exasperated. 

"It's the only way I know to keep you safe, Rey!" His voice rose again, whether in anger or frustration she wasn't sure, but his expression immediately sobered in regret. She walked slowly towards him.

She had wanted to hear him say he cared, and now she had forced it out of him in the middle of an argument. This wasn't what she wanted. 

"I'm sorry," she said gently, reaching a hand out to touch his cheek. "I know you're trying. I'm just-"

"Stubborn," he finished, a faint glimmer of humor in his eyes.

"Yes." She smiled gently. "Just like someone else I know." There was the slightest twitch at the corner of his lips; an action Rey had grown to realize was a smile. Not the nearly full smile she had seen on him once, nor the half-smile she had seen on more than one occasion. But it was a smile nonetheless. 

"I'll find a way to get you back to your base," he announced. "It's my fault you're here."

"No, it's not. This is all the stupid Force!" Her voice began to rise in anger again. He leaned his forehead against hers and she somehow felt instantly grounded once more. She let out a sigh as she calmed down. "This is all such a mess," she lamented. Looking up she caught a mischievous glint in his eye. 

"You're always causing me trouble."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really can't thank y'all enough for all the love you've been giving this fic. It means the absolute world to me, and keeps me writing!  
> Next chapter might take a while to get out also. My husband and I are heading to Tokyo this weekend to visit some friends which is going to eat up a lot of my writing time, and then of course there's the new Animal Crossing coming out which I know I'll be distracted with for at least 2 hours a day, if not more. But I'm going to keep writing, I promise!  
> Love you guys!  
> Thanks for reading!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, readers! It has been so long, and I am so so sorry!  
> Last time I said I was headin' to Tokyo, but that didn't happen, cause we decided not to be stupid. I have since holed myself up in my apartment playing Animal Crossing and have only left for work, despite the fact that Japan still isn't under actual quarantine. Honestly, I'm having a rough time with that fact.  
> So, all that stress has made writing really difficult.  
> BUT I finally got this chapter finished. I hope y'all enjoy it.  
> I've definitely been listening to the Labyrinth soundtrack a lot lately while writing, so quotes from the movie have tried to sneak in to my writing. One succeeded in this chapter.  
> Enjoy!

The whole situation sounded preposterous. One minute Rey was basking in the starlight of an outer rim moon, and the next she was on a First Order ship being held in the arms of the Supreme Leader.

And not long after that they were in the middle of a heated argument.

Rey quickly discovered that being with Ben for extended periods of time was volatile. They weren't used to spending so much time in the company of another person, much less each other.

"I won't be sleeping, anyway," Rey stated mid-argument, resolutely crossing her arms over her chest.

"Why not?" He asked frustratedly.

She gave him a disbelieving look. "I'm on a kriffing First Order ship!" She exclaimed, throwing her arms out and baring her teeth. 

"Exactly. You're on my ship, where I make the decisions. That means you do as I wish, and I'm telling you to sleep in the bed," he said authoritatively, still refusing to let his voice rise in anger.

"Do as you wish?" She cried, her anger hitting its peak within her. Before she knew it there was energy flowing from her fingers as she threw out her hand, slamming him against the wall with the Force. In quick strides she advanced on him, fixing him with a calculated gaze. "You have no power over me," she hissed through gritted teeth.

Ben remained there, unflinching as he was held in place by the Force, too shocked to fight back.

Rey stilled, coming back to herself. A dazed expression fell over her as she let her hold on Ben crumble. She turned, distractedly taking a few slow steps away.

"Rey," Ben's hand reached out to grab her shoulder, a silent plea. 

"I don't know why I did that." Her voice came out hollow and distant.

"You were angry. At me."

She gazed at her hand in disgust, as if it was responsible for her actions and the betrayal of her emotions. "I've never done that, though." She met his eyes as he moved to stand in front of her. "I-I'm sorry."

"I know." His gaze fell to her hand which was now fidgeting with the hem of her tunic - a nervous habit of hers he had observed with fondness in the past. Now it worried him with the frantic, distressed movement of her fingers. 

"I don't understand... I felt so angry all of a sudden." She was overwhelmed, becoming more and more distraught. She felt unhinged, like something in her was coming apart at the seams. "Why was I so angry?" She continued to ramble. "It was a meaningless argument. I didn't need to use the Force. But... I wanted to. I-"

Her words cut off when Ben seized her hand. She looked up at him, stunned, and he inclined his head towards the hem of her tunic which she had inadvertently been unraveling. 

"Oh." 

"You need to sleep," he said sternly, dropping her hand. "You're tired and irrational. A side effect of being pulled across the galaxy, I assume."

"I can't relax on this ship," she argued. She couldn't remember the last time she had been without a weapon, be it her saber or her quarterstaff. "Even if I could, you can bet I would still sleep on the floor."

"Stubborn," he huffed, frustration rising once more.

"And you're too used to having your way. You won't have that with me."

"I'm well aware," he growled.

She sighed, giving up on the argument and dropping to the floor. "Goodnight," she said, settling on her side, facing the wall.

"Goodnight," he replied coldly, leaning against the wall. He had half a mind to just throw her into the bed and demand she stay there, but he knew that was hopeless. She would only become angry again, and her earlier reaction had him worried. Maybe once she fell asleep he could carry her to the bed. She might never fall asleep, though. He could always try to mind trick her into sleeping in the bed, but that option didn't feel right. 

"I can feel you plotting over there," came her muffled voice, interrupting his stream of thoughts. She sat up to look at him. "This is ridiculous." She stood, moving over to stand in front of him. She took in the sight of the dark circles under his eyes. "You need sleep." She reiterated his earlier sentiment to her.

"As do you."

"Well, neither of us are going to get any at this rate." She sighed, looking absently around the room, and found her resolve. "Come on." She grabbed his hand and led him over to the bed and gestured to it. "Get in," she commanded as if it was a normal request. He gave her an apathetic look, as if he found her attempt completely uninspired. "You'll stay on this side of the bed, and I'll stay on the other," she explained. His expression then turned apprehensive. "We fell asleep holding hands once," she pointed out, becoming slightly shy at the admission. "This shouldn't be any different."

It was very different.

Rey realized this fact just after they had both made themselves comfortable. Or some semblance of comfortable. She found herself clinging to the edge of the bed, thinking that she would have had an easier time falling asleep on the floor. Or in a room listening to Finn and Poe snoring. Or with porgs actively nesting in her hair. Or even on a battlefield. 

The last time they had fallen asleep beside each other there had been an awareness of the impermanence of the situation. The bond would close. They both had been sure of that one fact. He hadn't been beside her when she woke up the next morning. This time he would be. Or maybe he wouldn't. She found she was frightened of either option. 

As she lay there she became aware of the immense fatigue she felt. She remembered Ben's earlier comment and decided he was most likely right. Being pulled across the galaxy really had a way of wearing you out. 

Despite the protests of her anxious nerves, she found her eyes drifting shut as she settled into a bed more comfortable than any she could have imagined during her days on Jakku. And, unlike on Jakku, the warmth of another person beside her was a welcome addition on the frigid ship.

Before sleep managed to take her, Rey found herself moving further from the edge of the bed, seeking more of that warmth. When she found it, she allowed it to envelope her completely and gently whisk her off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not super happy with this chapter, but it refused to be changed much.  
> I'm already part-way through the next chapter, but we'll see. It's not sure what it wants to do at this point. This fic has been so fickle with me.  
> Thanks for reading. I hope my fic can be an escape for some people like other's fics are for me in these difficult times.  
> You all are great!  
> Everybody stay safe!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, dear readers!  
> I'm feeling pretty good about this update! Writing has been going well, lately. I've taken a few days off work, so I've had extra time to veg and not be stressed about the state of things. My prefecture also just declared a state of emergency today. Not sure if that will mean anything for my workplace, but we'll see. Fingers crossed.   
> Without further ado I present you with more soft Reylo times.  
> Enjoy!

Rey was warm. It was a warmth she recognized. Not quite like waking up to the feeling of a sun warming your face in the morning, but it held the same comfort, the same familiarity. She could remember feeling this way once before. It hadn't felt quite so strong then; not quite so solid and real.

She nuzzled down into the blankets and felt the arm around her waist pull her closer. 

She'd had this dream frequently in the past few months. Every time she begged herself not to wake up, not to let go of that feeling. In her waking life she never felt such belonging or comfort and she would give anything to hold onto it for just a moment longer.

Then something new happened.   
The person holding her stirred, but didn't quite wake. She felt them press a lazy kiss to the top of her head before moving away.

She gripped the arm around her waist as it slid away, silently begging them to stay. It was too soon to let the dream go yet.

"Rey?" A gravelly voice behind her mumbled. 

She froze, realizing that she wasn't in a dream. She was on a First Order ship. And the person beside her in bed was none other than, "Ben?" 

He immediately jerked away from her. "I-I didn't mean to-" he panicked.

She turned to face him. "It's ok," she said gently, giving him a reassuring smile. The panic vanished from his face and was replaced with relief. "I was... really comfortable." She could find no feasible reason to lie. Especially when he was looking at her in such a way. There was a reverence in his eyes that reminded her of the time she had kissed him - the time she had seen so much of Ben behind the mask. 

Studying his face, she noticed that he looked rested for the first time in weeks. "How did you sleep?" She asked.

"Better than I can ever remember," he breathed in reply, gaze never leaving hers.

He reached over to brush away the lock of hair that had fallen into her face, and she leaned into his touch. His hand was warm against her cheek, and she closed her eyes, relishing in the feeling as a smile played at her lips. As he tentatively grazed his thumb across her bottom lip she let out a contented hum, drawing her body closer to his. 

They jolted apart at the sound of a series of beeps and whirs outside the entrance. Rey focused for a moment, trying to make out the muffled binary.

"Did they say 'food'?" She asked, looking back at him. He was already sitting on the edge of the bed, preparing to get up. 

"Droids. They're delivering breakfast," he stated, once more sounding every bit the Supreme Leader. That was all it had taken for his mask to slip back into place. "You should hide."

She nodded and hurried off, concealing herself in the 'fresher. Moments later she was looking at a table spread with more food than she had ever seen at once.

"Won't it look suspicious that you asked for this much food?"

"I didn't."

Her eyes went wide. "You mean this is normal?"

"There are perks to being the Supreme Leader," he replied flatly before gesturing to the food. "Take whatever you want."

There were cooked meats and breads covered in jams and - her favorite part - fruit. Some fruit she now knew the names of, thanks to Ben, but others were still a mystery. She resolved to try them all.

Soon she had a plate piled high with delicacies and was settling herself against the wall, ready to dig in.

"There are chairs here," Ben commented, watching as she dropped to the floor.

"I don't like eating at tables very much," she replied simply, taking a bite of an unknown green fruit. She gave a hum of satisfaction. "This is delicious." Noticing him still standing stock-still, she added, "Aren't you going to eat?"

"I didn't plan on it."

"Ben, you need to eat." She gave him a stern look and he sighed. 

"Fine," he relented as he grabbed a few pieces of fruit and sat at the table. She decided to join him there. "I thought you didn't eat at tables."

"That's not what I said. I said I don't like to eat at tables, not that I won't."

The truth was, she wanted to sit with him. Despite all the food she had stolen through their bond, they had never had a meal together. It wasn't an ideal situation, but she was prepared to make the best of it. 

A distance had seemed to grow between them since she had been pulled onto the ship. Letting their walls down was, ironically, easier when they were on opposite sides of the galaxy. Being in the same space had added a layer of intimacy that they weren't entirely prepared for.

Rey had caught a glimpse, that morning, of the way it could be without those walls, and she ached to have it back. But he was quiet, cold, their interactions stilted. She wanted the warmth she had felt laying beside him.

So she took matters into her own hands.

He wasn't speaking. Merely looking down at his food as he ate. She reached out and grabbed a berry off his plate. 

His eyes snapped up, watching as she popped the fruit into her mouth, a wry smile on her face. 

"You know, you have those on your plate as well," he pointed out.

"Yours looked better." She watched the mirth rising in his dark eyes. "So." She spoke nonchalantly as she grabbed another berry from his plate. "How do I get off this ship?" After a second she added a pointed, "Safely." 

"You've done it twice before. What would you do?"

"Wait for you to underestimate me," she teased through a mouthful of food.

"You have no manners," he sighed. She just laughed and took another bite. He always said that.

"I really don't know what to do this time. There's no ship waiting nearby, and stealing one of your fighters wouldn't get me very far..." 

"I can get us closer to the outer rim, but it would take time. You would have to stay here for a while." Despite his solemn tone she could see a glimmer of hope in his eyes. He wanted her to stay and she ached to say she could. But she knew that, logically, it wasn't an option to stay locked up there for much longer. It would drive her mad. 

She put her hand over his. "Ben," she breathed, voice sorrowful. "I can't stay here that long. You know it's too much of a risk." 

He glanced down at where her thumb was rubbing a gentle line across his hand, and then back at her. "I have a private comm line. You can use it to try and get a message to the Resistance."

"A-are you sure?" He gave a silent nod in reply, and she gripped his hand. "Thank you." 

Just then, Ben's comlink roared to life. The Supreme Leader's presence was requested in a meeting. He gave an annoyed groan before reluctantly pulling his hand from hers and standing. 

"Use the console over there," he said, gesturing to the wall. With that he left.

~~

Rey gave a huff of indignation. After countless attempts she still couldn't contact the Resistance. They were too far out of range. It was no use. 

"Rey!" Ben called, as he burst into the room. She whipped around to face him. "You have to go!" He tossed her a sturdy, but very used quarterstaff, likely from a training room, which she caught with ease as her face twisted in confusion.

"What?" 

"My private line wasn't as private as I assumed. You need to leave before they find   
you." 

"How-" she looked around frantically, having completely lost her bearings in the sudden onrush of fear. 

"I'll get you to an escape pod, but that's the best option." He was speaking quickly, authoritatively, but there was panic in his eyes.

"Won't they know you helped me?" He didn't answer. "Ben," she pleaded.

He looked down and she felt a cloud hanging between them. She couldn't read him for the battle that raged inside his head. 

Then he looked into her eyes and she was overwhelmed. The mask of Kylo Ren was gone, shattered into a million pieces before her very eyes, leaving only Ben. It felt as if every crack within her was suddenly repaired; as if she was suddenly made whole. A tear pricked her eye at the sudden onslaught of emotion within her

"That doesn't matter," he said with resolve, as he turned back towards the entrance, ready to head into battle with her.

She put a hand to his shoulder, turning him to face her again. "It matters to me," she said firmly, despite the tears trying to escape her eyes. "You matter to me." She took a deep, shaky breath, nervous about her next words. But she had to try. Leaving him again wasn't an option.

"Ben," she held her hand out to him. "Come with me." He glanced from her hand to her eyes. "Please."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every time I write about metaphorical walls coming down, I get transported back to the days when I wrote Captain Swan fic, and I get so gorram nostalgic.   
> So, from this point on we are in extremely different fic territory than I ever imagined. The form is changing. Up until this point the only characters present have been Rey and Ben (with a tiny bit of Snoke), but that's gonna change. And I'm not sure whether to keep it going in this fic, or move it to a sequel since it's changing. Weigh in for me in the comments, if you will. Keep it going here or make it a sequel and turn it into a series?  
> As always, thanks for reading and stay safe!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this after sobbing my way through an episode of the Arashi documentary on Netflix (don't even get me started on my love for those boys. I've got over 10 years of feels to unpack there). Apparently, to combat sadness, my brain decided it was time to kick some ass. So, enjoy my first ever attempt at writing action. I apologize in advance. It's a veritable mess!

Nothing had ever felt so right, so amazingly perfect, as the feeling of Ben's hand in hers. It was warm and comforting, the way his hand engulfed hers, and she wanted nothing more than to lunge forward and wrap her arms around him, tell him how much it meant to her. 

But there was no time. They both knew it. 

His expression shifted to something more serious and he lifted his hand towards the door panel. She gave him a silent nod to tell him she was ready. He gave his own nod and took a deep breath, steeling himself as the door opened, and Rey clutched his hand just a little tighter. 

They were met with an immediate reminder of how dire their current situation was. 

"I knew you were up to something, Ren," General Hux sneered as he came into sight, standing just outside the entrance, flanked by two stormtroopers. "I should have known it had something to do with the scavenger scum. You always were weak abou-"

Rey swiftly lunged forward, knocking him upside the head with the borrowed quarterstaff in her hands. It was a bit bulky to wield, taking a bit more strength to get it to hit it's mark, unlike the streamlined one she had crafted herself on Jakku, but it would do well enough. 

Hux hit the ground, hard. At the same time, Ben reached out, pulling the two stormtroopers together with the Force and causing them to collide, knocking them both out cold. He glanced down at Hux's crumpled, unconscious form, and back at Rey. There was a mix of awe and pride on his face that Rey wished she had the time to appreciate, but they had to keep moving.

"Come on." She grabbed his hand again, pulling him out into the corridor. 

"We can't just run out with no plan," he protested.

She dropped his hand, disappearing around a corner as he scanned for troopers in the opposite direction. Upon hearing a shout he realized she had left him and rushed toward the source of the commotion. Rounding the corner, he found Rey knocking a trooper to the ground with her staff while two more lay by her feet. 

"Ben," she said in a reasoning tone. "We are two powerful Force users. We can do this!" The confidence coursing through her was radiant. "And I think I have a plan."

~~

They continued on, Rey doing her best to hide herself behind Ben's hulking form. She had reasoned that Hux might have been the only person to know Ben was working with her. If that was true, the troopers were only searching for her. As long as they didn't come across any groups too large, they might just be in luck. 

"Stop clutching your saber," she hissed. "It looks suspicious." The sound of footsteps coming toward them caused her to straighten, making herself small against his back. 

"Supreme Leader," a trooper addressed, sounding taken aback. "We-we haven't found any trace of the infiltrator yet."

"Then keep searching," Ben said through his teeth, sounding every bit the temperamental Kylo Ren as he clenched his fists at his sides. The troopers remained in place, so he gestured to an adjacent corridor. "Go," he barked. 

Rey heard their footsteps continuing slowly to her left, but Ben remained rigid, reaching out for something in the Force. He found it and whipped his hand out, grabbing hold of the retreating stormtroopers. 

"They saw you," he announced, slamming them to the ground. Rey's eyes widened at the realization that he had so quickly read their minds. There were so many things about the Force she had little understanding of.

As they continued, they were lucky to only run into a few more scouting parties on their way. Troopers were easy to take out in groups of four and five, but they were undoubtedly leaving a trail.

The real problem revealed itself as they approached the hangar. 

There was no way to escape without a craft, but the hangar was crawling with First Order grunts. 

Ben grabbed his saber, holding it ready at his side, while Rey readied her staff. She gave him a sideways glance and they began to walk purposefully towards the closest TIE fighter, knowing they wouldn't make it without a fight. 

Ben instantly drew everyone's gaze. They were all familiar with the Supreme Leader, but rather unaccustomed to his presence. However, they were aware that they should always stay out of his way if the stories were anything to go off. Rey watched a few people glance from her back to Ben, confused looks on their faces, but they said nothing. 

Was this going to be so easy?

"Stop them!" A voice cried out from behind them. "They're working together!" It was Hux. She must not have hit him hard enough to keep him down for long, though she was sure she had at least broken his nose. 

A confused ruckus arose as troopers began to draw their blasters and Rey's panicked eyes found Ben's. A blaster bolt shot past her head and she whirled around, suddenly back-to-back with Ben, as she began brandishing her staff at any trooper within range. She could hear the slice of Ben's saber becoming more distant behind her as she did her best to continue her trajectory towards the TIE. 

She felt a bolt graze the top of her shoulder, but held tight to the staff in her hands, knocking the blaster from the hand of her closest opponent who then lunged at her. With a swift motion she swept the staff under their feet, but was soon pinned between the weapon and a trooper behind her. 

"You're not getting away that easily, Jedi," she heard them growl. 

One good thing about stormtrooper armor was that it was so bulky, Rey realized, and the young, arrogant trooper holding her clearly wasn't accustomed to it yet. Their grip wasn't tight enough on the staff to hold her and she easily jammed it, full-force, up into the brim of their helmet, jarring them enough to fully lose their grip. She hit them behind the knees and in the chest, knocking them into their cohort, before rushing toward the TIE again. 

Ben was still surrounded, most troopers having assumed Rey, having no saber, would be easier to deal with. Still, Rey kept heading towards the TIE, knowing that once she got to it, their escape would be set.

Until she heard a shout of pain and felt it ripple towards her through the Force. 

Without a second thought, she rushed over, drawing Ben's saber to her hand from where it lay on the ground. With a shout she lunged forward, slashing the red blade into anything in her path. The Force rushed through her, making her feel like fire itself. She was the Jakku sun, blazing a path of destruction through the crowd until, finally, she was beside Ben, who was clutching a rather deep blaster wound in his right side. 

His expression, as he looked at her, reminded her of the night she'd wounded him and given him that long scar that ran from his brow to somewhere below his shoulder. There was disbelief, admiration, and just a hint of fear. 

Fear. Her mind flickered with that realization as she handed back his saber and they turned towards the TIE. Was he afraid of her? Why?

Rey jumped into the fighter, Ben taking the controls, while troopers were scrambling to their feet. When had they all been knocked to the ground?

They began their ascent as she manned the blaster cannon, destroying as many ships in the hangar as she could before they were too far to target. 

Then, finally, the First Order became nothing more than another speck among the stars, and Rey could breathe a sigh of relief.

~~

"Let me take a look at it," Rey demanded from the co-pilot seat of their beat-up scout ship. 

Just over 10 hours after leaving the First Order behind, they had decided it best to trade their TIE for a less conspicuous craft. Landing on the first planet that seemed relatively untouched by the First Order, they had quickly scouted out a decent enough ship to get them back to the moon Rey had been on just days earlier. 

The planet was hot (at least according to Ben) and they soon discovered it was run by a gang distantly connected to the Hutts. Ben had further shed the layers of the Supreme Leader he no longer was, leaving him in only a black undershirt and his pants, which Rey thought still looked awfully heavy in the arid heat. 

Then she had watched as he further transformed into the man she didn't fully know yet, but desperately wanted to. He had the same sly, smuggler attitude as his father while he tried to negotiate the price of a ship. Ultimately, they had stolen the run-down hunk of metal they now flew after the negotiations proved fruitless. She would be more worried about the situation if Ben wasn't such a kriffing good pilot. One day she would be happy to try and give him a run for his credits, but for the time being she was content to watch him looking so at ease.

Except that he still had an ill-tended blaster wound in his side that he refused to let her take a look at. 

"It's fine," he retorted. "I've already put a bacta patch on it." They had raided the measly medical kit in their stolen TIE, finding precious little but enough to get by. Clearly the First Order considered their pilots to be expendable, if the contents of the kit were anything to go by.

"That was nearly 30 hours ago, Ben," she protested. "You can't leave them that long. They have to be changed."

He stood from his seat, turning towards the back of the ship. "Make sure the autopilot doesn't turn off again," he grumbled before disappearing down the corridor. 

Rey had only been gazing at the passing stars for a few moments when she was pulled into the telltale silence of the bond being opened. She frustratedly turned her seat to face him. "Why is it doing this when-" her train of thought was derailed as she caught sight of him.

It wasn't like Rey was unaccustomed to seeing shirtless men. Finn and Poe had no qualms about walking around the base half naked on particularly hot days, and neither did the majority of the other men in the Resistance. Still, there was something about the broad stretch of Ben's shoulders, and the way that broadness continued down the planes of his chest to-

The considerable gash in his side. 

"A-are you sure you're alright?" She gasped, taking a look at the damage. 

There was a glimmer of amusement in his eyes as he prepared another bacta patch. "I've had worse." The pointed look he directed her way told her exactly what he was referring to.

"Oh." She glanced at his scar and how it snaked from his forehead down below his collarbone, before turning her gaze towards her own feet, heat rising in her face from more than just regret. When she looked back up he was pulling his shirt back over his head, and she couldn't help but lament the loss of such a nice view. Then a thought occurred to her. "Is that why you're afraid of me?"

"What do you mean?" It was almost unnerving how seamlessly the bond closed when he came into view and made his way towards her down the corridor. 

"Aren't you? Afraid of me, I mean," she clarified. 

"Do you want me to be?" There was a slyness to his voice that made a blush threaten to rise on her face again as he returned to his seat, keeping it turned towards hers despite the cramped space.

"No! I-it's just..." she fumbled for the right words. Had she misinterpreted the look in his eyes when she had fought her way to him through that sea of troopers? Maybe it hadn't been her that had inspired the fear she saw. "Never mind. I think I'm just tired."

The way he looked at her said he didn't quite believe her, but nevertheless he allowed her to drop the topic. At least for the time being. "Get some rest," he suggested, turning to check the control panel in front of him. "We have over 40 hours to go." 

"Mmm," she groaned as she folded herself up and laid her head against the back of her seat. "Wake me up in 40 hours, then."

"There are quarters you can sleep in, you know." 

"I'm not sure what's worse, the jakrab eaten cots in here or the porg feathers on the Falcon. So, I think I'll sleep right here." And she did. After all, what was she if not a girl from Jakku who had learned, at an early age, to sleep wherever she could lay her head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all were so encouraging in your comments on the previous chapter, and so ready for me to upend the "Rey and Ben only" format I had going, that I decided to completely rewrite this chapter. It was in a very different style and format before, but I'm much more pleased with it now.  
> I'm so excited to finish up the next chapter. It is, quite possibly, the softest thing I've written thus far.  
> Thank you all so much for your support and love on this fic. It really means so so much to me and really keeps me writing. I can't believe I'm posting a 16th chapter of anything, let alone having more to come.  
> As always, thanks for reading and stay safe!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Star Wars Day, lovely readers!  
> I'm going to dedicate this soft AF chapter to my husband who happens to have a birthday today. Ironically, he hates that his birthday is Star Wars day, despite the fact that he's a big fan and the main reason I became a fan in the first place.   
> I hope you enjoy the chapter!

Rey took the controls as they approached the moon, directing the craft towards the clearing where she knew the Falcon should be waiting. Hopefully, still in one piece. 

It had been a relatively silent journey. Neither really knew what to say, so they had fallen into a comfortable silence, content to be in each other's company without an immediate threat to their safety for once.

When they finally set foot on land Rey immediately set to finding her saber, hoping it hadn't been dragged away by a creature. After a minute of poking around in the grass she pulled her mouth into a disappointed line, mentally berating herself as she held out her hand, calling the saber to her. It flew easily into her grip from behind a tree, looking as though it had been sitting deep in the mud. She absentmindedly wiped it clean on her tunic, never one to shy away from a bit of dirt, as she bounded over to Ben.

He stood at the edge of the clearing, body and eyes turned towards the Falcon, but something in his composure told Rey he wasn't really looking at the ship as it appeared before them at that moment.

Rey had never been faced with anything connected to her family. She knew she couldn't understand the role the Falcon had in Ben's childhood or the emotions it might inspire, but the soft look in his eyes spoke volumes. 

Slowly, she moved closer to him entwining her fingers with his and giving him a soft tug. "Come on," she smiled. He took a breath and let her lead him further down the path to becoming the man he thought he'd set aside so long ago.

Ben hadn't set foot on the Falcon since his childhood. As Rey pulled him up the ramp he was hit with a wave of nostalgia so strong it could have knocked him to the ground had Rey not been holding his hand so tightly, so reassuringly, her fingers warm between his own. 

He froze at the top of the ramp, turning his head slowly this way and that, suddenly surrounded with more sensations and emotions than he was capable of taking in. But none were more overwhelming than the sense of loss and regret. 

He didn't deserve to be there. Not after what he had done.

He dropped his gaze to the floor as his feet began to backtrack, but Rey held him firmly in place, her grip on his hand only tightening. 

"Hey," she breathed, gentle as the wind, drawing him to look up at her. The moment their eyes met he saw the recognition in her gaze. Whether she could hear the turmoil in his head or she just knew him that well, he wasn't sure. But it didn't matter how she knew. What mattered was that she understood; understood that he had never expected to be allowed down this path and wasn't sure where to start. "Ben," she murmured, putting a hand to his face. "You've come so far. Your father would be proud of you." She spoke slowly, encouragingly, as her thumb grazed along his jaw. "Show him that you've come home. For good." He took in a shaky breath and gave her a nod as she smiled. "I'll give you some time," she said quietly. "I'll be outside checking the ship for damage." With that she walked down the ramp and disappeared, leaving Ben to face memories he didn't know he had.

He walked to the back quarters and saw himself no more than three years old, held tight in his mother's arms as she rocked him to sleep. In the main hold he watched Chewie teaching him to play dejarik at the age of six. At seven he was standing next to Lando having his aim with a blaster corrected. Then, in the cockpit, he saw himself at five, sitting on his father's lap. He laughed as Han mussed his hair and then set to teaching him the controls. "Now, kid," he said seriously, Ben listening with rapt attention. "The most important thing of all is that you don't tell your mother about this." Han gave him a wink. This was their secret.

When he finally pulled out of his reverie the tears welled up in his eyes as he sank into the co-pilot seat, never having felt more exhausted. He cried more than he thought he was capable. He cried for the things he had missed, the things he hadn't appreciated, the things he would never have back. But mostly he cried for his father until his face felt stiff with drying tears.

Then he saw something glinting in the quickly disappearing sunlight that streamed through the transparisteel. A pair of gold dice hung above him, suspended on either side of a small chain. Another memory flashed before him. 

He watched as Han took the dice from their spot to give them a good shine. Ben was eight and sitting in the co-pilot seat, buzzing with anticipation. 

"Come on, dad, let's go!" he whined.

"Settle down, kid. I have to keep these nice and sharp lookin' or they won't be lucky anymore."

"They're lucky?" Ben's face lit up with interest. 

"Of course! And one day they'll be yours. If you want 'em, of course."

"I do! I want them!" 

Han smiled and put the dice back in place. He sat in the pilot's seat and looked over at Ben. "Son," he said. "Make me proud." Then he watched as Ben flipped switches, pressed buttons, and started the Falcon. And, with a chuckle from Han, they were off. 

Ben stood, dazed from the memory, and reached for the dice, rubbing dirt away with his thumb. "Hey, dad," he said reverently. "I'll make you proud. I promise." 

As he put the dice back in place he spotted a new addition to the cockpit. One he recognized as Rey's. A symbol, not only of her past, but of their shared dreams to travel the galaxy without restraint. If given the chance, he vowed to make sure she could live that dream.

He realized she hadn't returned yet, and it occurred to him that she was waiting for a sign that it was ok, so he went to look for her.

As he descended the ramp he found her standing just under the edge of the ship, watching the rain turn from a drizzle into a downpour. He stood there, observing as she reached out a hand to catch the falling water. 

Ben Solo hadn't felt like Ben Solo for quite some time. It almost felt like he had been missing from his own life, living as a bystander in a nightmare.

It was going to take time to dust off those parts of himself that had been shoved away. There were still some pieces that might never be fully repaired.

Nevertheless, Ben Solo felt whole. He'd felt whole since Rey had asked him to go with her. Never before had he been so sure of a choice. Never before had he felt such a sense of belonging. Never before had he felt truly wanted. Until he met Rey. 

Was this how it felt to be part of a dyad? Or was this how it felt to be with Rey? He was inclined to believe it was the latter.

Rey inspired something in him he had thought lost to him long ago; that warm, fluttering feeling of hope. 

He watched her walk out into the downpour, face upturned and eyes closed, letting the water blanket her, not caring one bit that she was being soaked through. A smile spread across her face while Ben remained mesmerized by the woman who saw the good in everything she could; who saw the good in him.

He took long, determined strides until he was with her under the open skies, his arms catching her around the waist. Her eyes met his and her smile transformed into the one meant only for him; the radiant smile that lit her eyes and made his heart do backflips. He met that smile with a kiss full of passion and all the things he didn't know how to say to her yet. She threw her arms around his neck, clinging to him as if he was her lifeline. As if she already knew everything he wanted to convey to her. 

They broke apart and he leaned his forehead against hers, as she giggled while carting a hand through his soaked hair. He pulled her back towards the Falcon, but she stopped their progress at the bottom of the ramp.

"We can still use the scout ship if you want," she said, almost sheepishly.

"I don't want to spend another minute in that piece of junk." 

She chuckled and nodded in agreement before sobering again. "But are you sure it's alright if we go to the Resistance? I know it's not what you want."

"Rey." He looped his arms around her waist, pulling her close again. "I'm sure. I made that decision when I took your hand." The elation that spread across her face assured him that he was making the right choice. 

He wouldn't tell her yet, for fear the gravity of the statement would frighten her, but Ben would gladly follow Rey to the ends of the galaxy and further. All she had to do was ask.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Being stuck indoors is sapping my creativity, so chapters might be coming a little slower in the near future. We try to go out for drives along the coast when we can, but it only does so much.  
> I hope you're all staying safe and healthy!  
> Thanks for reading!


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost waited until tomorrow to post this, but my husband is nagging me that y'all have been waiting for far too long already.   
> I wholeheartedly agree.

“You look comfortable,” Rey commented, glancing over at Ben while he relaxed in the pilot seat of the Falcon, autopilot set for the Resistance base. He raised an eyebrow at her. “I mean here in the ship,” she clarified. “I’m glad.”

“I’m not sure I _should_ be comfortable.” Her face fell. “I’m pretty sure I was conceived in this cockpit,” he said almost offhandedly.

Rey scrunched up her nose, but let out a short laugh regardless. “That’s disgusting, Ben. I spend too much time in here to know those things.” Regardless, it was nice to have him in a lighter mood. She just wondered how long it would last.

They were silent for a while, watching the stars streak past, before she turned to him. “They’ll want intel.”

“I’m aware.”

“Is that something you’re willing to give?”

After a beat he answered, still staring ahead. “It’s highly likely the First Order already has a bounty on my head. There’s nothing left for me there.” He glanced sideways at her. “Might as well help blow it up.”

She sucked in a breath.

He really had left everything behind to go with her, completely upending his life without a second thought. And she was leading him directly to a group who might immediately throw him in a cell despite his willingness to help. This was the thought circling her mind as they finally landed on Ajan Kloss, it’s two moons looming high in the sky.

She stopped him as the ramp lowered, ready to say she had changed her mind and they should just run instead, find a nice green planet to hide out on. Her intentions must have been spelled out clearly on her face and in her emotions because, before she could speak, he was reaching out his hand, prompting her to take it and exit the ship with him. She did, but positioned herself to walk just ahead of him. If anyone was waiting on the ground she wanted to be sure they saw her first.

“It’s late. Maybe everyone is asleep,” she commented, trying to be lighthearted as they descended the ramp.

“Rey, are you alright?” a female voice called from outside the ship. “We were so worried!”

Rey’s heart leapt into her throat as Rose appeared in front of them, eyes blowing wide in fear as she took in the sight before her.

~~

In the years to follow, Rose Tico would tell the story of the day she met Ben Solo as an anecdote at parties. She would joke about how she watched a hulking, solemn man appear behind Rey, looking as terrified as Rose felt. The room would burst into laughter when she described the shy way the former Supreme Leader held up his hand in greeting, shoulders practically brushing his ears he was so tense. By far, Rose’s favorite part of the story would always be doing her impression of the first words he ever said to her; a quiet, half-mumbled, “Hello. Nice to meet you.”

In the moment, however, she was not so amused and couldn’t remember ever pulling a blaster so quickly in her life.

Rose wasn’t unfamiliar with the visage of Kylo Ren. Sure, she had only seen one holo of him since he had taken up the mantel of “Supreme Leader” and began putting the face under the mask on display, but she had a good memory for faces, and there was none she would remember as well as that of the man standing in front of her. The man who was their supposed enemy.

“Rey…” she said slowly, leveling her blaster with the man’s chest. “What’s going on?”

Rey looked hesitant as she stood there and Rose saw, out of the corner of her eye, that she was clutching his hand. “Rose, this is Ben.”

“What is he doing here?” She kept her distance, but made sure to stand tall. She had faced worse than this man her friend was calling by a name she didn’t recognize.

“He’s going to help us.”

Rose leveled her friend with a skeptical look, trying to convey just how much that statement sounded like a load of bantha shit.

Then the man – _Ben_ , she reminded herself – spoke up, trying to sidle his way out from behind Rey who was not making it an easy task. “We had to escape the First Order. Coming here wasn’t my first choice, but-“ he glanced sideways at Rey with a kind of soft admiration “-she’s very persuasive.”

“You mean she’s stubborn,” Rose corrected him, lowering her weapon.

“Yes,” he replied, glancing at Rey again, that look still in his eyes, as she gave them both an offended scoff. “Very stubborn.”

Rose holstered her blaster, watching the scene unfolding before her. She couldn’t quite believe what she was seeing. The expression on his face was so similar to one she had only seen on one other person in her life; her father whenever he looked at her mother. There was no possible explanation Rose could think of as to why the Supreme Leader of the First Order was looking at her friend that way, but something about Rey was different too. An expression that passed across her face as she met his eyes; happiness. Delicate, but present. Rose wasn’t about to deny her friend any happiness when she knew how long Rey had gone without.

She vowed to keep a close eye on the man, of course, but she would also trust Rey’s judgement. She would trust Rey.

“Are you all hungry?” she asked tentatively, hoping her relaxed tone didn’t sound too forced. “Most everyone is asleep, so I think the cafeteria is safe.”

In response Rey dropped Ben's hand to run down the ramp, and wrap Rose in a fierce embrace. "Thank you so much, Rose," she whispered.

Rose hugged her friend back happily. “I’m so glad you’re back safe. I missed you.” She pulled away and turned to the man who was finally standing solitary, no longer reluctantly being shielded. “I want to make it clear that I trust Rey,” she said sternly. “If she says you aren’t dangerous then I believe her. But if you give me any reason to doubt her judgement you’ll be answering to me.” She drew herself up to her full height which, granted, still barely brought her up to his shoulder, but she wasn’t about to back down.

He bowed his head slightly, making himself smaller, less intimidating, and gave her a grateful expression. “That’s more than I could ask for.”

~~

As Rose had predicted, the cafeteria was empty save for the serving droids who worked the line. The three grabbed some of the humble late-night fare offered and settled into a table set into a far corner.

Rey quickly delved into the story of their escape from the First Order, skirting around the details of how she got there in the first place. Rose didn’t seem bothered by the clearly omitted information, instead asking questions about different First Order tech, which Ben answered with a knowledgeable ease. Beaming ear to ear, Rey praised Ben’s flying skills, and how he got them safely away in two different stolen ships, while Rose listened attentively until she checked her chronometer.

She let out a small sigh. “I should really get back to the comm center. I still need to tell the guys that you’re safe and they can head back.” She reached out, grabbing Rey’s hand and giving it a friendly squeeze. “Let’s talk more later.” Rey nodded and Rose turned her attention to Ben. “That means you too. Anytime you want to talk tech, come find me.”

Then they were left alone again.

“She doesn’t hate you,” Rey said triumphantly. “Keep giving her intel and she might even like you one day.”

“You’re being too optimistic. She would have put a blaster bolt through my skull if it wasn’t for you.” He stood, holding out his hand to her as she let out a yawn.

She stood, leaning into him a little as she took his hand. “I guess that means you owe me.”

He gave her a gentle smile as they made their way out into the night, the air feeling more crisp than it did during the day, but still carrying a heavy humidity that Rey found rather novel despite her dislike of the feeling it left on her skin. She couldn’t find it in her to care, though, because Ben was beside her, still holding her hand as they walked under the night sky, still letting that smile play at his lips.

Pulling him along, she guided them back towards the Falcon, feeling pleasantly drowsy, when she stopped in her tracks at the sight of someone standing just outside the ship. Her adrenaline spiked for the second time that night.

Leia.

Ben’s emotions flared so suddenly Rey didn’t even have to try to read them through the bond. They bombarded her. Fear, helplessness, uncertainty, regret. But beneath that there was love. She gripped his hand tighter as they moved closer, doing her best to send him reassurance and comfort.

Leia took a few steps forward, stopping when they were an arm’s length away, studying Ben’s face intently, tears pricking her eyes. When she spoke, her voice was heavy with the effort of holding back sobs, but she smiled up at her son with love and pride in her eyes. “You’re so tall.”

“Mom,” Ben began, every apology he could think of ready to fall from his lips, but Leia stopped him by lunging forward, arms outstretched. He didn’t hesitate to reciprocate the embrace he was quickly pulled into, folding nearly in half to accommodate Leia’s small stature.

“Let’s not talk about all that now,” she said gently. “I just want to be sure you’re really here.”

The Force thrummed around them with delight.

Rey took a step back, prepared to leave and provide them with the privacy they deserved after so many years apart, but Leia’s hand reached out as she and Ben finally stepped away from each other. Then Rey was the one being enfolded in Leia’s arms. “Thank you,” she said through tears.

Since leaving Jakku, Rey had become more accustomed to physical affection, thanks to her friends, but something about the way Leia embraced her then was different. There was a warmth to it she had never known, but had craved all the same.

Leia pulled away, holding her at arm’s length. “I don’t think I’ll ever thank you enough.”

Rey cast her eyes downward, feeling sheepish. “I really didn’t do anything.” She glanced up at Ben, who was still looking a bit dazed. “It was Ben who made the decision.”

Leia gave them both gentle smiles, seeming more proud than she could say, before removing her hands from Rey’s shoulders and taking a step back, collecting herself once more into a Resistance General. “I didn’t plan to stay for long. It’s late and I know you two need rest.” Her strong façade cracked again.

“I’ll still be here in the morning,” Ben assured.

“You promise?” Her tone was soft, but there was a lighthearted sternness to it Rey hadn’t heard before. Ben nodded in reply and Leia smiled. “We’re a bit short on bunk space, but I can find somewhere for you.”

Ben ran a hand through his hair. “If it’s alright with Rey, I could stay in the extra bunk on the Falcon.”

“That’s fine,” Rey said. “But only if you think you can tolerate the porg feathers.”

Rey saw Leia look at them for a split second as if she was in deep thought before she sighed. “I suppose it might be for the best. It would be better for you to stay out of sight for now.” As the General stood there, looking lovingly at her son, Rey got the sense that she was almost afraid to touch him, as if he might fade away and reveal everything to be a dream. Finally, she lifted a hand to his cheek, face pulled into the most gentle, motherly expression Rey had ever seen. “I’ll come see you after breakfast so we can speak properly.”

Ben gave her a nod, suddenly looking so much younger. “Goodnight, mom.”

Leia looked on the verge of tears again. “Goodnight, Ben.”

~~

Rey sat on a log at the edge of the forest beside base, nestled within a copse of trees she had come to think of as her own little hideaway. She knew it wasn’t hers, though. There rarely was anything that truly was hers. This area in particular was actually frequented by a number of other people. Once, she even found Finn and Poe there, curled closely together and speaking in low voices while looking at each other in _that way_. The same way she supposed she might occasionally look at Ben without knowing it.

She had left him at the Falcon after Leia left, both of them too distracted by the events of the past few hours, and the impending days, to even consider sleeping yet. A shower was apparently long overdue for him, so she had left him to it, traipsing into the forest to be alone with her thoughts.

It was a mistake. Her thoughts were a muddle of excitement and trepidation, elation and fear. Having Ben there was something she hadn’t known would bring her so much joy and comfort. At the same time, she was a bundle of nerves at the prospect of the Resistance refusing to accept him. Leia had sway in the decision, of course, but how much would it matter if the rest of the base disagreed with her? If they demanded blood.

Then there was also the matter of Finn and Poe. Rose had explained that when Rey hadn’t showed up on time the day before, Finn had immediately hopped in the nearest ship to begin searching. Poe, of course, had been quick to join, not wanting Finn to go alone in case there was trouble. They hadn’t even been gone a standard day. Rose had already commed them to head back, and Rey was excited to see them after her – longer than expected – mission, but she wasn’t sure she was ready to face them. They had been lucky with Rose’s reaction, and she truly hoped all of her friends could be so understanding. However, Finn and Poe had both experienced the wrath of Kylo Ren first hand and were unlikely to be so accepting.

Her eyes focused on the twinkling stars above as anxiety spiked in her gut. They would be angry. They would be disappointed. They wouldn’t treat her with the same respect anymore.

Fear swirled around her, seeming to rise with the wind that began whipping at her face, the chill of night seeping into her bones. With every gust her emotions climbed higher, frightening her further with their intensity and her inability to control them, until, suddenly, something came to block the oncoming gale, a bastion against her own turmoil. Her fear began to ebb as she recognized the man standing before her.

Ben moved to sit, and the breeze brushed against her face again, but with his heat beside her it was nothing more than that; a breeze.

His hair was still wet from the ‘fresher, and it occurred to Rey that he must have rushed there when he felt her heightening emotions through the bond.

Concern flowed from his side of the bond as he twined his fingers with hers and her heart fluttered in her chest. No one had ever cared for her the way he did.

“Did something happen?” he asked gently, brushing a stray lock of hair out of her face.

She shook her head. “No… I’m just… I’m scared.” Her voice was quiet, betraying how pathetic and weak she felt at the admittance.

His reply surprised her. “I am too.”

She stared at him, baffled and fascinated and _thankful_. Somehow, hearing him echo her own sentiments, admitting weakness, brought her more comfort than she could have imagined.

Everything in her body was shouting to kiss him, this man who made her feel so _at home_. She had been trying to hold back since he had kissed her in the rain, telling herself she was getting carried away and letting it muddle up her emotions and logic. But her scavenger instincts were rising to the surface with that desert rat selfishness that stated how _she had found him_ , and therefore he was _hers_. She could kiss him again if she wanted to. She could kiss him as much as he would allow, which, she suspected, might be quite a lot.

Yet, there was a new part of her, speaking softer but just as insistent, whispering that _she_ was also _his_. That being beside him was the first thing in her life that felt completely right. It was that part that finally had her leaning forward, eyes flickering to his mouth, fingers curled in his while her other hand tangled in his damp hair, losing herself to the feeling of his arm wrapping around her waist, pulling her closer until-

Footsteps in the underbrush and one word, spoken with confusion and anger. “Rey?”

_Kriff._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear patient and lovely readers,  
> I sincerely apologize for the long wait between chapters. I did not mean for it to be almost two months before I got this posted. Between the world being a complete mess, work starting back up, and myself becoming increasingly frustrated writing multi-chapter fic on nothing more than an 8 year old iPad, it was hard to find the inspiration to get this written.  
> However, I now have a nice new laptop to properly write on and I've been outlining this fic since I posted chapter 17. Whenever this fic actually grew some plot I had no idea what I was doing with it, and now I'm paying for it by having to figure out where to go from here, but I'm excited about some of the ideas I have brewing (including multiple unrelated fics I have in the works. Oops).  
> Due to my work, there will be longer waits between chapters than before my impromptu hiatus, but I'm working very hard on improving my writing and providing longer chapters for y'all.  
> Thank you so much for being so patient and supportive. I appreciate each and every one of you more than I can say.  
> As always, thanks for reading and stay safe!


	19. Chapter 19

“Finn, calm down,” Poe cautioned as Rey jolted to her feet at the sight of the blaster in her best friend’s hand pointed straight at Ben. “Why don’t we let Rey introduce her mystery man before threatening him?”

“That’s _Kylo Ren_ ,” Finn replied slowly through his teeth.

“What do you mean that’s Kyl-“ Poe studied Ben’s face slowly while Ben watched the two with a kind of defiance. Realization dawned and he gaped at Rey. “Rey, what the hell?” But he didn’t pull his blaster, and for that she was thankful. “You leave for a few days and suddenly you’re making out with Kylo Ren in the forest? I assume you have some kind of explanation? Maybe an evil twin situation?”

Finn continued scowling at them, blaster hand holding steady with a finger on the trigger.

Rey kept her gaze fixed on the weapon, feeling angry and terrified all at once. She wanted to scream and shout that it wasn’t their business. She wanted rip the blaster out of Finn’s hand. She wanted to beg for just one real minute of peace.

She and Ben hadn’t taken the time yet to discuss what exactly to tell everyone. How to explain the situation and try to gain their trust. Would they tell anyone about their Force bond? It felt wrong to even consider. The bond was theirs and theirs alone.

“Say something, Rey. Please,” Poe pleaded, and Rey realized she had gone too long without speaking, eyes still locked murderously on Finn’s hand clutching the blaster.

“She h-,” Ben began, but Finn cut him off.

“We don’t care what _you_ have to say.”

“I asked him to come with me,” Rey stated, stepping in front of Ben as she watched Finn’s blaster begin shaking in his grip with anger. “He was in danger, and I couldn’t leave him there.”

“So you brought the enemy to base?” Finn exclaimed. The disbelief and betrayal in his voice caused anger to bubble up within her.

“He isn’t the enemy! Don’t you _trust_ me?” she snapped, lurching towards him as if ready to attack and rip the blaster from his hand.

“Of course I trust you, bu-“

“Then act like it!” Rage was rising like bile in her throat as she moved to stand in direct range of his aim. He lowered the weapon to his side.

“Rey, this makes no sense,” he protested.

“You wouldn’t know if it made sense! You didn’t even give me a chance to explain before pulling your blaster on me!”

“I didn’t pull it on _you_. I pulled it on _him_.”

“That’s as good as pulling it on me!” She was seething, rage inundating her veins with a white heat, blurring out the world around her.

Then a hand on her arm ebbed the flow, drawing her back from the brink.

Ben.

He was looking at her with a doleful expression that made her blood run cold with shame. Her eyes drifted to Poe, who looked caught in the crossfire, and back to Finn, whose eyes still burned with betrayal.

He holstered his blaster and began to turn away. “Come find me when you remember what side of the war you’re on.”

She watched him go, too stunned and overwhelmed to stop him. Too angry. She refused to fall at his feet and beg for forgiveness. He didn’t deserve it after showing her exactly how much he trusted her and valued her opinion.

“Rey,” Ben said tentatively, moving his hand to her shoulder. She only ducked out of his grip, turning and running back in the direction of the Falcon without a backwards glance.

~~

Poe glanced at the man he now stood alone in the forest with – the man who had once pulled his mind apart, piece by piece, for information – and knew, logically, he should feel some form of anger.

He didn’t.

On the contrary, he felt bad for the guy, who looked rather like a kicked tooka as Rey ran off.

“So,” Poe drawled. “Should I call you Kylo or would you prefer your other name?” The man side-eyed him skeptically. “I’m lucky enough to work closely with your mother,” he explained, rocking back on his heels. “She told me about… well, about your past.”

It was more an accident than anything that Poe had become privy to such information. He had been meeting with Leia when a holo came in showing the new Supreme Leader in all his glory. Not even the regal Leia Organa could hide her emotion when she saw the face of her son for the first time in years.

He turned away from Poe and resumed his seat on the log. “I see.”

“I’m Poe.” He shoved his hand out, hoping the gesture might ease some of the tension still hanging in the air.

“I’m aware.”

“Yeah, but our last introduction was so informal, don’t you think?” Once more he thrust his hand towards the man, reiterating his intentions.

“Ben,” he said as way of introduction, shaking Poe’s hand firmly.

That answered his first question, but he still had a lot more to ask.

After a pause, he decided not to beat around the bush. “So, why should I trust you?”

“Is this an interrogation?”

Poe shrugged. “It might be.”

“I don’t have an answer for you. That’s a question you need to ask Rey.”

“I’ll talk to her next. In the meantime you can tell me why you’re here.”

Ben’s tone was level, decisive. “She asked me to.”

“Well,” he huffed a breath. Clearly, he wasn’t going to get far with this one. Not yet. “I still don’t understand how she was even in contact with you, let alone what changed her opinion of you, but I’m guessing that’s a question for her too.” Ben nodded and Poe fixed him with a serious expression. “Listen, I respect your mother a lot, and Rey is like a sister to me, so I kind of have no choice but to trust them, but you gotta give me _something_ to go on.”

Ben looked up at him, patience clearly being tested. “I fought off my own troops, left behind a position of power, and traveled halfway across the galaxy with a blaster wound in my side only to, _willingly_ , end up on a base full of people who hate me. Is that good enough?”

“I suppose that works. Doesn’t make you sound too bright, though.”

A few beeps and whirrs sounded as BB-8 came rolling towards them. Poe bent down to regard his droid and answer the posed question. “I think she went back to the Falcon. Should we go find her?” The droid replied with excitement and Poe glanced back at the man who might soon be his ally. “I think it’s time I hear what she has to say.”

~~

Rey almost ignored it when Poe started banging on the hatch of the Falcon, asking to be let in, but then she heard Ben’s voice and her interest was piqued. She was even more surprised when she finally let them enter and found that Poe wasn’t leading Ben around on the end of a blaster. On the contrary, Ben was trailing behind Poe while the latter made straight for her, BB-8 rolling along beside him.

“I still need answers, and grumpy here isn’t helping,” he said, jabbing a thumb in Ben’s direction.

Rey stood from where she was crouched to greet BB, crossed her arms over her chest, and fixed him with a defiant look which he returned in kind. With a sigh she made for the lounge and took a seat around the dejarik table, gesturing for Poe to do the same. Ben met her gaze and gave her a nod, as if to say “good luck,” before heading for the back of the ship. Meanwhile, BB-8 watched the group with interest, but upon seeing Ben heading away took off after him.

Poe received the same explanation Rose had, complete with a severe lack of specifics, though Rey no longer had the initial enthusiasm of the earlier account. However, unlike Rose, Poe asked questions.

“How did you end up on that ship in the first place?”

“I can’t really explain that.”

Poe threw his hands up. “Y’know, you’re making it awfully hard to trust you right now.”

“I know, I know,” she said apologetically. “It’s just… it’s not something I quite understand myself. Not yet.”

“Fine,” he huffed. “Can you at least explain how you two went from trying to cut each other in half to sucking face?”

Rey put her head in her hands. “Poe,” she pleaded. “I promise I will tell you everything you need to know, but I think it’s better if Ben and I discuss it with General Organa first.”

Poe stared silently at her for a moment before nodding and sitting back in his seat. “You’re right. It’s just… Are you entirely sure about this? About him?”

“Yes,” she said, a gentle smile playing at her lips. “I trust him.”

“Just, be careful, alright?” She crossed her arms and gave him a warning look, to which he sighed. “I care about you, Rey. I don’t want to see you hurt.”

It was nice, she realized, to have so many people care about her. But she could also take care of herself, and she needed them to understand that.

“Thank you, Poe. Just let me worry about myself, and you focus on the intel Ben can give you.”

He gave a soft chuckle. “I think I can do that.” There was a short pause in the conversation. Then he sobered and said, in a low voice, “You know Finn cares about you too. He just shows it a little differently.”

“I don’t really want to talk about him right now.”

He put his hands up in surrender. “I know. But he’ll come around.”

“I hope so.”

“Will you _move_?” Ben’s voice sounded from the corridor. Moments later he strode into the room, BB-8 hot on his heels. “Your droid won’t leave me alone,” he grumbled at Poe.

“He likes you,” Rey said cheerfully.

Poe frowned. “He’s usually a good judge of character.” Bending down he patted the droids head. “You fry something, buddy?” BB whirred at him in offense. “Hey, it was an honest question. He was Kylo Ren, you know.” BB turned to Ben again, photoreceptor giving another earnest scan before regarding Poe once more in a way that said he didn’t care about a word he was saying.

~~

After Poe left, Rey stood there awkwardly beside Ben, deciding what was next.

She took a breath, fidgeting with her hem. “I-uh-guess I’ll go get some sleep.”

“Yeah. It’s late.”

As she began walking towards the corridor she watched, out of the corner of her eye, as Ben sat back at the dejarik table.

“Are you not going to get some sleep?”

“I am.”

“Then… why aren’t you heading to the bunk?”

He smirked. “When was the last time you checked the bunk?”

She thought for a moment. “I don’t remember. Why?”

He stood, grabbing her hand and leading her to the closed door of the crew quarters.

“After you,” he said, gesturing to the door.

Shoving it open, she was met with a sight she couldn’t have expected. “Maker,” she breathed. The room was nothing but a luxury porg’s nest, feathers and droppings in every corner, scattered across the floor, and twigs tucked into each nook and cranny. “We must have had a stowaway.”

“I’d say you had several.”

“Well… this won’t work.”

He gave her that low chuckle which was sounding more and more natural with all the practice it was receiving. “You don’t clean much, do you.”

“I don’t really think about it,” she replied.

Rey was still getting used to even the notion of cleaning. Growing up in the desert meant using water only when necessary. Bathing and cleaning were, decidedly, not necessary. Especially cleaning, seeing as the evening winds would blow any extracted sand right back into place.

She grabbed his hand. “Come on. I have somewhere else you can stay.”

Pulling him through the ship, she already knew he would refuse her offer to let him stay in the captain’s quarters on the grounds that it was _her_ bed and he wouldn’t take it from her. Well, they had shared a bed before (possibly multiple times, thanks to the Force), and it hadn’t gone terribly. She actually thought it had gone quite well.

“Less porg feathers,” she announced, dragging him into the room. Granted, there were _still_ porg feathers, but the room was in exceedingly better condition.

“Rey-“

“I know-“ she interrupted him. “You don’t want to take my bed. Well, you aren’t going to.” With a few quick steps she made her way to the bed, sitting on one side of it. “I sleep here.” She gave the spot beside her a determined pat. “You sleep there.” He opened his mouth to say something, but she cut him off. “No arguing. I’m too tired.”

Whether it was because he was equally tired, or he just appreciated the excuse to stay close to her, she wasn’t sure, but he relented and soon she was drifting off to sleep beside him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry these updates are so few and far between, but, luckily, I'm now in the midst of a long weekend and have a week of vacation time coming up soon. That means I'll either be writing like a madwoman or doing nothing but playing video games. I really hope it's the former. 
> 
> I am so lucky to have all of you amazing readers along for this ride, and I just want you to be assured that I will never abandon this fic. It's too dear to me. Despite the 10 other WIPs I have on my laptop, this fic always comes first. I actually already have the epilogue mostly written, but I don't know yet how long it's going to take to get there. I just hope you all think it's fun.  
> (Note: I'm also currently working on rewriting the first 10-ish chapters, because I don't like how much worse my writing was, and I feel like I should flesh some stuff out. I don't plan to add anything big and important, but if I do I'll let you all know before new chapters)
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading. Don't be afraid to drop me a comment as I truly love hearing from all of you. It always makes my day.  
> Stay safe! <3


	20. Chapter 20

Rey didn't know when during the night she had managed to wrap herself around Ben like some sort of woolamander, but she found she didn't want to move. There was rain gently pattering against the durasteel hull of the ship as she relished in the comfort that came from feeling the steady rise and fall of Ben’s chest beneath her hand.

Suddenly, they were both jolted fully awake by the sound of a fist pounding on the door to the room, followed closely by the grumblings of an irate Wookie.

Rey breathed a sigh of relief as she realized who their visitor was. Ben, however, went rigid beside her.

Putting a hand over his, she could feel how tense he was, hands balled into fists beside him. “It will be fine,” she assured him, extracting herself from the bed to go and open the door.

Poking her head out, she regarded Chewie with mild annoyance. “I was trying to sleep, you know.” When he informed her of the time, her shoulders slumped in disappointment. “Stars, is it that late?” At the inquiry that followed she chuckled. “Well, you always believed I could bring him back. Sorry it took me a little longer than we hoped.” Slowly, she began opening the door. “He’s a bit skittish, so move slowly,” she said jokingly.

Rey could have never imagined she would one day watch Ben be lifted off his feet – he was much too large a man to have considered such a scenario – but that’s exactly what she witnessed the moment Chewie entered the small quarters and laid eyes on his nephew. Ben didn’t even have time to react before he was being crushed against the Wookie’s chest. He was tense at first, only relaxing after it became apparent that he was in no danger of being crushed beyond the normal amount for a hug from a Wookie.

“Hey, uncle Chewie,” he mumbled into the Wookie’s fur.

Chewbacca’s reply was a gentle sound of elation. He was pleased to have his nephew back, but still hurting from all the pain Ben had caused. However, he made it clear he wasn’t planning to throw Ben out without a second chance, which was more than Ben could ask for.

~~

Chewie’s visit was short. Nothing more than a hug, a greeting, and a promise to talk more soon. It would be a long healing process for both parties, and they knew not to try addressing too much at once.

Ben was silent after the Wookie’s departure, overwhelmed and deep in his own thoughts. Rey remained beside him, giving him quiet support until the sound of someone entering the ship disturbed them. 

“I’m glad you two are finally up,” came Leia’s voice from the main hold as her son appeared in the corridor. Rey’s hand immediately dropped to her side as she had been idly plucking porg feathers from Ben’s hair. “I wasn’t planning to send Chewie, but he was impatient to see you.”

“Oh, it’s fine,” Rey said quickly. “We didn’t mean to sleep so long.”

Ben was quiet, calculating, still not recovered from the turmoil of the past few days. Leia gestured for them to sit, which they did. This was followed by a long silence that stretched between the three of them while Leia wandered the room, studying the walls.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you in this ship,” Leia said finally, a wistfulness to her voice.

“I suppose it has,” Ben replied, speaking levelly, though Rey could feel the effort in his voice. He wanted to try. He wanted this to work. But at the moment, Rey knew they would both prefer to talk to Chewie again.

Leia took a few steps examining the ship with a careful eye. “This ship really hasn’t changed much,” she said, taking a sweeping look around. “If it were up to Han we would have lived in here. Practically did for the first few years. We were moving around so much that we barely had time to settle down.” Her tone was conversational, offhanded. Then she glanced at Ben. “You were actually conceived in the cockpit.”

Rey’s eyes went wide. She glanced at Ben who raised his eyebrows at her as if to say “told you so,” and she buried her face in her hands.

This family would be the death of her.

While her face was hidden, the tension between Ben and his mother seemed to disappear almost completely.

“I used to hide in there,” Ben said as Leia’s hand skimmed across the front of a cabinet.

“Oh, I remember. Scared me half to death the first time. I had already told your father to turn back by the time we found you. I thought we had accidentally left you behind.”

“You were furious with me.”

“I was furious with Han,” Leia corrected. “He wouldn’t stop laughing long enough to get me to my senate meeting.” She chuckled.

They continued that way for a while, recounting old memories, and Rey realized it was the best way for them to begin mending their relationship. By remembering when things were good. Or, at least, when they were easier.

“I missed you,” Leia said quietly, as they hit the end of another memory, and her tone held a weight Rey could feel in the air.

Ben hung his head. “I didn’t think you would want to see me.”

“I wasn’t sure I did at first. But, now that you’re here, I don’t know how I could have wanted it any other way.” There was a pause. “We need to talk about _why_ you’re here. How this came about, and what to do about it all.”

Rey met Ben’s eyes and knew this explanation would also lack the mention of their Force bond. They weren’t ready to reveal the one thing that felt so private and so wholly theirs.

“I contacted him,” Rey began quickly. “And-and I went to him.”

“That wasn’t your mission.” There was a sternness to her voice that told Rey she didn’t quite believe their explanation.

“I know it was foolish, but I was confident I could help him turn, and I knew no one would listen if I tried to explain myself.”

Leia’s mouth pressed into a thin line. “I can’t argue that point.” Her eyes locked with Rey’s. “What _is_ your explanation.”

“There’s something you need to know. About Snoke,” Rey said, glancing over at Ben.

He met her gaze and gave a slight nod before looking back at his mother. “He’s back.”

~~

There had been a day, not long before the bond re-opened, when Rey had finally decided to stop living a lie.

The entire Resistance was praising her, putting her on a pedestal for killing Snoke. She knew she couldn’t tell them the truth. They would never believe her. But there was one person she could tell. One person who deserved to know the truth.

A softness, full of understanding and hope, had come to Leia’s eyes as Rey had explained what Ben had done, killing Snoke to save her.

Rey had hoped Leia would treat Ben’s explanation of the situation with the same gentleness, but it quickly became clear how wrong she was. There was too much hurt between the mother and son already, and it soon became evident that they had issues to work through that Rey knew nothing about.

“How can you be sure?” Leia asked at the end of story, and something in Ben snapped.

“You haven’t changed,” he said, voice taking on a poison edge. “I _saw_ him. _Heard_ him. _Felt_ -“ he shuddered. “He’s back. I’m sure of it.”

“Ben, I just think-“

“I spent my entire childhood with you telling me it wasn’t real, it was all in my head!” He was standing, towering over her, voice raised. “You were wrong then and I’m telling you _you’re wrong now_.”

Leia jumped to her feet, meeting his fire equally. “I know I messed up back then, but I have the galaxy on my shoulders, Ben. I can’t send everyone on a wild goose-chase.”

“No. You can’t. Because you can’t trust a word I say. You never have.”

“I want to trust you,” Leia pleaded. “But you’ve made it so difficult.”

“ _I’ve_ made it difficult? Try having a mother who sends you off to be killed by her brother!”

Leia’s eyes went wide, but Ben had already turned away, disappearing into the back of the ship.

For once, Rey saw Leia at a loss for words.

~~

Ben thought he would be angry, and feared going into a rage. But he wasn’t. He was disappointed. In himself. He could never seem to control his temper. All he wanted was to be able to help those he cared about, who he had neglected for far too long, even if they had neglected him at times.

Because he _did_ care about his mother, despite the years of anger. But it was difficult to see whether she cared anymore.

Sitting on the bed, he put his head in his hands.

“Ben,” came a soft voice from the doorway. He didn’t even answer before it slid open and Rey was pushing her way in. “You can kick me out, but I wanted to check on you.”

“I messed up again,” he said, voice no more than a low rumble.

She shrugged. “Maybe a little bit, but so did she.”

“Did she leave?”

Rey nodded. “She thinks you both need some time, and I agree.”

“We’ve had time. Years of it.”

“I think that might be the problem. You don’t know how to talk to each other anymore.”

“It’s impossible,” he said flatly, and she gave him a look.

“It is _not_ impossible. But it’s clear to me that you and your mother don’t exactly see eye-to-eye.”

“Parents and children never do.”

She looked down, chewing on her bottom lip. “I wouldn’t know.”

Ben’s shoulders slumped as he let out a sigh. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean-“

“I know.” She sat beside him on the bed. “Maybe that’s why it’s so hard for me to understand. I grew up on my own. I don’t know how parents and children usually act around each other.”

“I can’t say I know much more than you.” He’d only had ten full years with his parents, after all. Once he started training he had only seen them here and there. Short visits. A call when they had time. Not that it had felt much different from the first ten years. They only ever seemed to care when it was convenient for them.

_No._

That wasn’t true. Those were Snoke’s words and he couldn’t let himself believe them anymore.

“Well,” Rey said, breaking him out of his reverie. “I’m still glad you talked to her. And even if she doesn’t believe us now, I know we can show her. We’ll figure it out.”

She gave him a small, confident smile and he found he wanted nothing more than to believe her.

~~

“Rey?” came a shout from the corridor.

“We’re in the back,” Rey called.

“I’d rather not find out why,” Poe replied. The two emerged to find him settling into a seat where they soon joined. “I take it things didn’t go so well with the General today,” he said while BB-8 poked at Ben’s knee curiously.

“That’s an understatement,” Ben grumbled, eyeing the droid while he folded his arms firmly across his chest, leaning back in his seat.

“Well, since you can’t seem to deal with your issues long enough to remember the fact that we’re in a _war_ with bigger things to deal with-“

“Hey!” Rey shouted.

Poe held up a hand in surrender. “I am here to deal with the business you couldn’t stop fighting long enough to get to.”

“Which is,” Ben prompted.

Poe sighed and leaned forward, folding his hands atop the dejarik table. “The thing is, we can’t just keep you secretly locked up here, but we also can’t have you suddenly walking around our base like it’s normal. The Resistance has a right to know about your presence here and to-“

“Put me on trial,” Ben finished the sentence for him.

“Yeah.” Poe nodded slowly. “That’s the general idea.”

“No!” Rey exclaimed. “I won’t allow that.”

“That’s really not something you get to decide, Rey.”

“Why not? I’m the one who brought him here. Doesn’t that make all of this my responsibility?”

Ben put a hand on her shoulder and she glanced up to see the pleading look in his eyes. She was being ridiculous, she knew that, but all she could do was blame herself for leading Ben straight into the path of danger. Looking over the past few days, it seemed it was becoming a habit of hers, and she didn’t like it.

After a moment Poe spoke up again. “We’ve called a meeting for tonight. The General and I think it’s best if we don’t keep this secret from everyone for too much longer.” He stood from his seat and began to move towards the entrance, but stopped partway to look over his shoulder. “I’ll be by with Chewbacca to bring you over later. You know… for security reasons.”

Ben nodded.

BB-8 looked between the two men before turning to follow Poe out, leaving Rey and Ben to think about the battle they could expect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!   
> I truly never meant to take a long hiatus, but a few days after my last update to this fic, my husband and I got some bad news that took us back to the US for a few weeks. Traveling during a pandemic was the last thing I ever wanted to do, so not only was I stressed about the overall situation that brought us back, but travel in general had my anxiety through the roof. Add to that the fact that Japan's borders were VERY closed at the time (they've eased things a tiny bit since then), even to foreign residents, and we weren't even sure if we would be allowed to come back home. Luckily, immigration let us through, though it took a lot of waiting at the airport, and we've been home in Japan for a while now. However, I had really lost my writing brain during the ordeal, and work has been busy, so I've had trouble sitting down and writing. I'm trying really hard to get back to it, but don't expect too much at once.   
> I want to reiterate that I plan to finish this fic no matter what. I will not abandon it, though I can't promise that I won't disappear from time to time. What can I say, life is busy.  
> You all are amazing and I couldn't ask for better readers. You truly keep me going when I'm feeling down on my writing and I can't thank you enough for your support.   
> (Also, this fic has over 10k hits now? What the hell? I can't even comprehend that! I love y'all)


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